Posted by alexandra_k on September 6, 2019, at 16:03:42
In reply to Re: Do i even want to win?, posted by Lamdage22 on September 5, 2019, at 21:24:59
> That's a good question. I like to play well. Under pressure. Maybe I subconsciously think I don't deserve it?
Maybe. You would be the best person to know or decide that, at the end of the day.
> I totally get that. For me, it is the same.A lot of people who are the best at what they do are the best at what they do because they do what they do for them. That is to say, they are driven by or inspired by their own personal or intrinsic motivation.
It can be hard for other people to get that.
It upsets the managers. They need you to want to do it for the money. That way they can control you with money. They need you to want to do it for the public recognition. That way they can control you by way of giving / withholding public recognition.
Sometimes you have coaches who need you to want to do it for them. To make them happy.
There is quite a lot about different methods of training. You know, sell your kid into gymnastics under the talent idenfication program when they are, like, 3... Vs the free world. And then, you know, ultimate street fighter or boxing champion from something a little like necessity or passion from oppression or something like that vs the happy healthy unmotivated little snots of the rich people who have been given every opportunity in life but who still complain...
Motivation is a tough one.
> > i have wondered about whether i self-stabotage, too.> > but i have learned: not in this environment. it simply isn't the case. that's just what the people would have me believe so i internalise the blame for their bad decisions.
> Can you elaborate? I don't understand!
Well, I just mean to say that some people seem to play a nasty version of my brothers game where he could take my hand and hit my head with it and say 'why are you hitting yourself?'
So, for example... Someone once said 'the Medicine interview is a wonderful way that candidate have or ruling themselves out'. When asked to elaborate he said things like 'well, people choose to rule themselves out in various ways... Maybe they didn't take the time to wash their hair. Maybe they say they need to go to the bathroom mid-interview and never come back. Maybe they just intentionally do a bad job at it as a form of self-stabotage'.
I think in these cases it isn't the candidate ruling themself out at all. It isn't the candidate self-stabotaging at all. The interviewers are the ones that choose what score to give the candidate. The interviewers might want to 'blame the victim' or blame the candidate for the score the candidate made them give the candidate...
But to my mind this is the interviewer failing to take personal responsibility for scoring the candidate. The candidate didn't ask to be scored badly. The interviewer wants to say 'the candidate made me do it', though.
I mean, I suppose it is fair to score a person poorly if they appear with greasy unwashed hair. Personal clean and tidy is very important given the context. Scalp bacteria matter.
The person who went to the bathroom and didn't come back maybe was sick. Maybe it was an anxiety thing that indicates something that means it is fair they were scored poorly. If they have a habit of bailing like that when things get high stakes / stressful then they should have a low score for that. But maybe they got stabbed by another candidate.
I just mean to say that saying the candidate stabotages themselves in these cases is not really accurate. That isn't what is going on, seems to me.
> > do people around you have a habit of targeting those who get the spotlight?
> Hmm. They did in school.I guess I was thinking that if you do self-stabotage (and I am not saying that you do) but IF YOU DID... Then there probably would be some kind of sensible explanation as to why you did that. In other words... There would probably be something that makes it a reasonable or justifyable response form your point of view to something that happened in the past.
If you had been the victim of bullying or meanness when you succeeded previously then that would be likely to make anyone a bit shy or reticent or self-stabotagy about being in the spotlight for success later. Or even witnessing others being set up and stabotaged as 'tall poppies' by people around them.
I guess maybe it is up to you...
One thing you could do is say 'hey, I don't much like the spotlight but I like the game and I like performing under pressure and having to put up with the spotlight a bit for doing what I like well is just a price I am willing to pay.
Or, you might say 'it isn't worth it. I won't do the competition'. But you could still play golf... For you...
Another thing that could be going on is fear of failure. I mean to say instead of the stabotage being about fear of success the stabotage could be about fear of failure. The idea being that if you work towards doing well in the competitition then you would be just too disappointed or upset if you weren't to do well enough to be in the spotlight next time.
Maybe.
There is this Olympic ideal of 'better to have tried and failed than to never have tried at all' and some truly wonderful and beautiful shots captured of epic fails. Like... What's his name who flew high so high with his wings that they melted off and he fell...
A lot of people stabotage succeeding because they are too afraid to try because they are too afraid to fail.
Just another form of stabotage for you to consider...
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1105993
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20190715/msgs/1106049.html