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Posted by baseball55 on November 9, 2017, at 19:18:12

In reply to Re: safe air?, posted by rjlockhart37 on October 31, 2017, at 14:28:28

The start new thread button doesn't seem to operate on my computer, so I'm hijacking your thread, RJ - sorry.

I have a friend who went awol on me for 4 months. She returned calls but only after I called twice and when I tried to organize some activity , she just said she's too busy. This is someone I've been close with for 10 years and have gotten together with routinely at least once every 2-3 weeks. I have a real problem confronting issues in relationships so I just let it go. But I saw her at a group event last weekend and just found myself feeling angry and not wanting to interact or even be in the same room as her.

Uncharacteristically, I called her later and told her I was upset with her. She got defensive, said she's been busy, blah, blah. I told her I work full time and spend several hours a week on piano (she works part time) and still find time to keep in touch with people I care about. She ended up saying, well, I'm sorry you feel that way.

I ended the call, angry. I then agonizes for days about whether I should call again and apologize for how I ended the call, but was afraid that if I did and she got all defensive again (too bad you feel that way), I would lose it completely. But I was also terrified that a 10-yr friendship was blown.

So....She called me today. Said she gets into her own little stuff and doesn't think about how she's affecting others. Realized that I work very hard at maintaining friendships with her and others and she does not.

It was such a relief. Until several years ago, I never had friends and since I've made friends over the last 7-8 years or so, I've worked like crazy to maintain the relationships. But most people don't work that hard because they've always had friends since they were young and just kind of take friendship for granted.

Confronting her was a huge stretch for me. But I did it and it worked out.




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