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Re: ghost story Tabitha

Posted by lil jimi on August 14, 2016, at 3:54:49

In reply to Re: ghost story, posted by Tabitha on August 13, 2016, at 23:05:18

Hi, Tabitha

Thanks for posting back to me.

Well, I still respect you for taking on another challenge beyond my capabilities. I faced the cruel pressure of depression okay, but to sign up for the emotional roller coaster ride - ski jumping hijinx of bipolar is exponentially more excruciating.

20, no, 25 years ago now, wife and I fought infertility. Never did IVF, but we had specialists and all other kinds of procedures. Not quite a decade of expensive futility. One thing was almost constant was Syl was on pergonol, clomid and other fertility drugs. All of the time.

One day at home she comes in the front door and I'm by the far door that leads into the garage. I say 'hello'! She replies with laughter in her voice. It's I guess 50 feet from her to me.

As she takes a step she begins to cry. I brace myself to help her pain.
Syl takes another step. She laughs. I precieve a challenge.
Next step: She's cries..
Next step; She giggles. More of Jim's bracing.
Next step: yes, she is crying.
And so on ...

We get the idea. Every step, flipping. I don't know how many steps till she got to me. Alternating like that the whole way.

By the time she got to me I knew two things. I needed to hold her in my arms.
And at all costs

I Must Not Laugh!

It looked and felt, hysterically, absurdly comedic, but No! She was suffering. In one of hell's special subdivisions. It was not funny. Not to me and her.

We survived. Have a 17 yr old. A High school senior this fall. Once we outlasted our fertility treatments; gave up on them; And we accepted we wouldn't have children, Then our now HSer dropped into our lives. All the better for it.

Watching my sweet bride then (now thirty years wed) suffer like that showed me how much worse pain there is in this world, dramatically more than all of my fractures, surgeries, embolisms, whatever. I knew then and know now that what she was taking would've killed me dead. How she held out on those hormones as long as she did, I'll never understand. Years and years! Y'all Girls are made of tougher stuff than me. That is a fact! The day she finally said she couldn't do it any more was a relief of an infinite burden. I was Most thankful. Not everybody gets to be a parent. Unless you're a 16 yr.old runaway on meth. Then You can get pregnant. Or a brown Palestinian refugee homeless in Nazareth, maybe?

So we got to be parents of our sweet singleton.

But seeing her emotions getting ground up in that psychic tumbler/slicer that was pulling her apart like that changed my tune for good.

Any small fraction of that hormonal action eclipses my whining by light years.
Having a person's emotions taking control of them with malicious intent; having them dangle from the marionetteer's strings, jerking them around helplessly, polishing off any fractured shards of sanity? No. Please, please, no. (not as if any one gets a choice, jim.)

I salute all of our sufferers who are facing the challenge of bipolarity:

SAL - loooT!

I take it we are in a PB planet depopulation phase and the 'survivors' congregate at Meds to conserve their warmth. Or for the company. Or to play to a bigger audience. Maybe they're gambling? Whaddaya wanna bet?

I feel warm enough.

every one take care
- jim


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