Posted by alexandra_k on December 29, 2014, at 15:31:59
In reply to Re: wrecked the bar, posted by alexandra_k on December 19, 2014, at 18:35:19
I suppose Christmas was... Normal. What more normal family Christmases are like. The day was pleasant. The company mostly good. It was a lot harder staying with people... Mostly one of them... She is super-friendly and super-energetic and she triggers something in me where I feel fairly harassed... Unless I'm super-fresh and well rested I feel that I lose myself in her and that she simply will not leave me alone. Gets me longing for a seclusion cell...
Anyway... It wasn't for terribly long. And so, things were mostly okay.
And it was nice to have the people contact. They seem to like me okay, which helps me feel like less of a freak. I can ask them whether my hair looks alright at the back (since I've been trimming it myself for a while now) and so on... And I feel like I fit with them, somehow. They live in a wealthy white suburb that is kinda hippy / cool. People have street parties and the community centre is a big deal. Etc. Lots of artists etc. Used to be more about students but too expensive for that now. Organic this and home brewed that. But pleasant, yeah. And I suppose I did start to relax.
Someone I know was in hospital down in Wellington. He's a kid. 15. Fell (maybe hit a little bit) off a skateboard. Hooning down a hill. Was in the head injury / surgical observation unit for over a week... Dark quiet room. When I first went up on Christmas day he was kinda drowsy and confused... Scary... I made everyone drive to a gas station for blue poweraid - because I asked him if he wanted anything and he seemed shy / embarrassed about it but said he really wanted blue poweraid. He tried to get his mother to get him some but she brought him gatoraid, which wasn't the same. It was shocking to me... How dismissive other people were being about getting him what he wanted when it was so simple compared to a hell of a lot of other things... I didn't / don't understand that. I mean... It isn't that hard, really. And it is something concrete that one can do to help...
On the plane on the way back... They put me right at the back with a bunch of mothers and infants / toddlers. Because I'm an 'older' woman travelling alone, I guess. They looked a little apologetic when I boarded the plane... Anyway... The lady next to me was a little nervous... First time travelling with a 3 month old... Had her mother with her to help, but... And the flight attendant couldn't find the picture of how she was supposed to hold it for take-off but said she was supposed to take it out of the front carrier and cradle it sort of... Anyway... Not sure why but I said it might be about holding it's head in a position so as to keep the airway clear in case the face gets pressed back into her with the acceleration / with turbulence... And about how sucking a pacifier or something might help keep the tubes open because it can hurt when they get blocked... And that probably the most important thing was that she was comfortable because if she was relaxed he would be most likely to relax, too. And, anyway... People seemed to relax and nobodies baby made any kind of grumpy sound during the (admittedly fairly short) flight. Just little things... I said I liked taking off - it was my favourite part. How it feels when the wind gets under the wings and the plane lifts off the ground. Commenting that the little bit of turbulance we had closer to Auckland was usually something that happened closer to Wellington with the wind currents... She asked if I was a nurse and I was like 'no. I'm a student. I'd like to be a doctor, but... I don't really know anything about babies...' I guess now they probably thought I actually was a medical student... Which I really didn't mean to convey... But, anyway, the whole thing... Made me realise that I really do want to be a doctor. More than anything. That I do have interpersonal skills for some things. For exactly that kind of thing. When the role is clear. When your calmness is infectious. I like the mental clarity that emerges for me during those time. How time seems to slow down so pressure for me to think swiftly is lifted and things just... Flow. Trying to get into the spirit of law is simply me trying to arrange a plan B so that I'm not destroyed if I don't get a place. But I think no matter what... I will be, rather. I really, really want this. Mostly because I think I will be really rather good. I don't think I can convey to people that... I don't know that I can do well enough on the tests and everything that is supposed to be about detecting precisely that. I like to feel... Like a sheepdog. Leading from behind... Looking out for others welfare... Using all my senses / wits to focus on keeping everything okay...
And the baby was cute. She wasn't... Excited. That high pitched squealy thing that some people / mothers do with infants... She wasn't like that. And her baby was really calm. I said 'happy' but I meant more Bob Marley type reggae chilled out. Didn't have a care in the world. Content. At peace. Just stared at me with these soulful black eyes... She said he could see to about 60cm so... Probably could see better than me... I'm alright with kids. They seem to like me. Get curious about me. Because I don't pursue them, I guess. They become very curious about me... About what my deal is. I do think some kids roll their eyes rather at the high pitched squealy thing that a lot of people do at them... I know I (still do) find it over-stimulating. A lot of people who get a lot of that... I think it does de-sensitise people. I'm not sure it is for the best. Depends on your environment, perhaps. Like the locusts getting their hind-feet brushed... Will they become solitary or will they swarm? I think people have a little bit of that, too...
There is something about hospitals that I like. Perhaps because sometimes what I most need is a seclusion cell, or some approximation thereof. Because there were usually a few huggy-bear nurses who would offer hugs / squeeze the crap out of me, which helped. Because it got me out of the sh*t hole that was my life, at times. Anyway... I find them calming. The smell of them etc. Even when things go crazy. Like the time the great big guy practically picked up the heavy wooden pool table and threw it across the room... made sense to me at the time. or the time one of the chicks dropped to the floor and started to seize or the time... I find clarity emerges at those times. Most especially if you have a checklist of procedures to do... Clarity emerges, yeah
Anyway... Onward, ho. I am looking forward to classes starting... But I'm also kinda scared, yeah. Feeling more normal, though. Yeah. And I did have a break. A proper holiday... Getting away... Which I haven't done since... And now I'm home and it is so good to be home and to not have to answer to 'and what are your plans for the day' when I'm used to doing whatever I want whenever I feel like it... And my second model kit arrived (so now I can make all the functional groups I need to know and leave them set up indefinately / join them together) and my epidemiology book did too and I think the gym is open today and... Life is good.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1058481
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20141123/msgs/1074561.html