Posted by Beckett on May 23, 2014, at 14:37:59
In reply to Never normal, posted by Beckett on May 22, 2014, at 2:31:05
Hi,
Thanks for talking. It helps. Being normal to me means not being sick. As an adult, I've daydreamed...if only I had unipolar depression. Can you imagine? What an absurd game. I have always been eccentric, and that is a good thing, I think. That is not the kind of normal I mean. My being ill interferes with functioning, and that is what my husband meant because he also said that it wasn't the life he would have choosen.
Later he came in and said that he was not normal, too, and that was a good thing, and if I could accept myself more, that would be good. But he is happy (except being burdened by such a spouse), outgoing, and high functioning (great job and great social abilities). He didn't realize how much 'trouble' I had been in until I landed in the hospital this January. In our talk he started out saying that things felt much better between us and that we weren't connecting last year. I said simply because I was suffering. Which was true because I was almost psychotic with pain, but still taking full care of our child and the house, etc. Though I had tried to tell him at the time. <sigh> Few of the undepressed get it sometimes until one lands in the hospital or something. But that just adds to one's sense and of being seen as abnormal. Normal means having only distant knowledge of the kind of unhappiness illness brings.
My husband is a good guy. He's a good father, too. It's not his fault that since being a girl I have felt so different and ashamed of this negative difference, and that he used such a triggering word. I mean I think he meant it, but guess it was good for him to air this.
poster:Beckett
thread:1065941
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20140502/msgs/1066022.html