Posted by alexandra_k on November 14, 2013, at 10:29:09
In reply to Re: didn't get it » alexandra_k, posted by Poet on November 14, 2013, at 9:52:04
I tend to personalize rejection, too. Don't have such a tendency when it comes to other people, though.
One of the things that I regretted for a very long time was not asking about why I didn't get a place in the first med school I applied to. I thought I interviewed well and the only hoop after that was the academic board (and academic boards typically love me). I didn't ask because... Well... I was busy personalizing the rejection, I suppose. Then I was angry at them.
But then I had a number of different theories as to what went wrong. And some of those involved things about me that I can't change, some involved things that I can. Some of them I would take personally if that was the reason. Others I wouldn't feel so badly about it.
I have heard that when it comes down to the final few (after the interview goes well) then it really is idiosyncratic. It isn't that they are ruling out people they don't like (perhaps reason to take it personally) it is rather that they could be happy with any of them... But they need to pick the best.
And the best isn't about 'the best'. It is about fit. Usually about something idiosyncratic. They liked the smell of that hair shampoo or the person has the same name as their dear old mother or... Or the people have different preferences and one of the people who interviewed you is pissy that they didn't hire you...
I never thought to ask about feedback until I learned that one of my friends did regularly ask for feedback. Took her 2 years to get a job with ministry of defense... She said that they didn't mind giving her the feedback. She asked when she didn't get an interview, too, and they actually gave her lots of helpful tips for her CV.
Ask (if you do) in the spirit of your learning something from the process rather than your being angry / taking it personally. If that makes sense / if you can.
Mostly what she was getting... Was that they were worried she was too smart. That to start out she would be doing fairly basic stuff like photocopying etc etc. Because... It took manpower to train her, basically, and how much of that / when that was available varied over time. Then simple jobs... While she learned to do things their way. Basically... From what I gather from her now (a couple years and several promotions later into her job) it took more manpower than most to train her. They kept needing to give her busywork tasks that seemed important / meaningful (that gave her the chance to use her brain) while they were training her in order to keep her mentally occupied. So... She took rather more work than most. But of course it is paying off for them now, several years down the track. (Or so they are leading her to believe).
So... Knowing that now... She looks back and laughs. She didn't get a lot of jobs because she was too smart. Ahahaha. Of course it is only funny because she eventually got something. Something that keeps her mentally occupied and pays well...
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1053315
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20131110/msgs/1054327.html