hate

i've gotta get this out....im not obsessing over stupid things, there was an event that happened, not big at all, but i have to tell the emotion and pattern that this happens, ill do something, forget, or any bad things i do will be broadcasted against me, i don't know if this is superstition over my life, but over and over people have done that....they will love me and tell me how great i am, and then wait till i leave and say hateful things, so the only i've had to do is not assoicate with them again, but this happens in patterns, the more people i run into in the future....its a similar pattern.....blame me condenm, over something that is not a big deal, and then it gets so blown out of preportion that im like a criminal in the backgrounds.....see what im saying.....

the only way to do with this really is to develop armor ready for the worst to happen, if im vunerable and defenseless they can destroy me...hate is a defense mechanism that will give power over people who run over, reject, and do horrible things, you just gotta develop hate....loving people when there hurting you...no thats not the way to go....jesus christ said that...you know its hard, just sit there and let people slap over and over again, until they kill you....thats stupid, hate is good sometimes against hateful attacks....

this was a tiny little situation, its not big at all but it happens over and over again....can't stay happy and secure because there always some stupid gossip that has turned into mini conspiracies....people say im mentally ill, and then there doing a conspiracy....like a bunch of evil devil worshpers waiting for another evil move to do....its covered up, making it look like im mentally ill and im paranoid....

but this has been put away for a long itme....had to get this out....every wrong move i do, there begins a conspiracy of hate and gossip

not a scholar but understand distress
Med:
Prozac 60mg
Lamictal 200mg
Zyprexa 20mg
Nuvigil 250mg
encourage you to avoid false lights of enlightment and belief systems

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