Posted by g_g_g_unit on November 9, 2010, at 6:58:54
In reply to Re: dating + mental illness, posted by Conundrum on November 8, 2010, at 11:47:49
Thanks for your responses guy. I guess what I'm wondering is whether a little repression might be healthy in this scenario? Or if it would be best to try and meet people in a similar situation (if possible).
Like, obviously I wouldn't go on a first date and be like "oh yeah, I have OCD, major depression, blah blah blah .. so how's the steak?" .. but I worry that it might be irresponsible to try and date at all in my position, given my tendency towards depression, intense anxiety, etc.
I just have this belief (irrational or not) that the mainstream population are really ill-equipped for dealing with mental illness, and that most women would be incredibly turned off if they found out that I suffer from depression. I've never even had the courage to tell some of my closest friends, because when I do try, they just fail to grasp the nature of OCD etc..
Sorry to turn this into a therapy session . . but I'm also curious what it is women exactly *expect* from a guy? I feel this pressure to be a constant source of entertainment for girls, which is particularly difficult when I'm medicated and less spontaneous, etc. The kind of idealistic myths I worry about being perpetrated in therapy are, for example, the idea that being a nice guy is somehow enough, because I find a lot of women end up put off by niceness. It's not that I let people walk over me per se .. it's more just that my default mode is trying to please people.
> lol @ domineering maneater, that was pretty funny. But this is serious. I've dated with my problems, which for me are a lack of confidence and anhedonia. The girls I have dated have always been supportive of me. Sometimes lacking confidence is bad, because you can let yourself get walked on if you don't, to use an annoying phrase, man up. I recently broke up with a girl I was seeing for a couple years. She lived far away so it was hard, but I also always thought she was annoyed at me for something even though she wasn't. There were other problems as well.
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> The worst thing, for me is the anhedonia, which basically keeps you from feeling love. I mean I don't even wanna date again, until thats dead and gone.
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> I agree with you that being shy and talking low is not generally attractive to most women, it is for some. Some find it cute. Perhaps this is why the doc, suggested internet dating, since you don't have to be loud meeting someone at a party or a bar. Also, online you are more likely to meet someone like yourself who isn't loud and aggressive.
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> I think it might be worth a shot. I wouldn't reveal that you have a mental illness right away. From what I've read, you seem like a genuinely nice person, so I wouldn't think that your OCD would be a deal breaker, but you might want to let them get to know you before you tell them.
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poster:g_g_g_unit
thread:968750
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20101029/msgs/969353.html