Posted by maxime on October 24, 2010, at 14:46:16 [reposted on October 28, 2010, at 20:06:29 | original URL]
In reply to Re: Guilt IF Can't Do What Someone Asks Anyone Else » Phillipa, posted by gardenergirl on October 23, 2010, at 21:09:42
> Hi Philippa,
> That sure sounds like a difficult situation. On the one hand, I can see how a grandmother might look forward to spending time with her grandchild, and might not want to do anything that could jeopardize that relationship. But on the other hand, I can see how it might feel like you are being taken advantage of, and I would certainly resent that. I guess if it were me, I'd try to consider the potential benefits to me, which might include things like spending time with the grandchild, helping out your daughther, feeling useful, among others. And then I'd try to weigh that against the potential costs, perhaps aggravation, feeling used, being physically or emotionally tired, losing the time you spend doing your work, etc. If the pros outweigh the cons, then perhaps agree to babysit. If the cons outweigh, you have the right to say no for whatever reason. You don't even have to offer an explanation, just that you are not able to at this time.
>
> I know that this is easier said than done, especially when you add in all the emotional "baggage" that can come with family relationships, but if you try to view it as a simple request with costs and benefits, it might make it easier to navigate this with your daughter.
>
> good luck!
>
> gg
GG has given you excellent suggestions.When I read your original post it sounds like your daughter is emotionally black mailing you and I don't like that. Maybe you could meet with her to set some guidelines that you both can work with.
The last sentence of your orginal post cofused me. You said the husband is pregnant. Did you mean that the husband got another woman pregnant?
So you moved away on purpose to be away from your daughter? Wow! Things must have been bad.
Do you still see a therapist? Maybe he/she can help you set boundaries and guidelines that won't make you feel guilty. If not, you could come up with some yourself and bounce off ideas here in the forum.
Personally I think this thread should be moved to psychology. You will also get more response. Maybe you could contact a mod to change it.
Take care.
Bipolar Type 2, ED-NOS, Self-hatred
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Being happy doesn´t mean the pain is gone. you just bury it deeper.
poster:maxime
thread:967329
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20100907/msgs/967338.html