Posted by Cass on May 21, 2010, at 4:16:09
I'm feeling disappointed in myself because I'm almost always using or addicted to prescription medications or using alcohol. Right now, my drug of choice is alcohol. I've been drinking hard liquor; vodka, rum, and making my own drinks at home or having martinis when I'm out. I drink every day lately along with taking sedatives and amphetamines (prescription). I've experienced a lot of traumas and losses. There's a lot of hurt and pain and anger inside of me which I'm dulling with alcohol. After I broke a bone last year, I became addicted to oxycodone. I managed to get off of that. I'm always on something. I know... most of the rest of the world is too, right? But that doesn't make me feel any better. I don't like feeling dependent on medication or alcohol. What can I do? I don't want to go to AA because it seems like program members are too screwed up. A lot of them seem hard and street-wise and I can't relate to them. I'm very familiar with the program because my husband was in it. But he was smart, funny and sophisticated. AA can be better in other places, but around here it sucks. Also people in the program have addiction problems that are worse than mine. Even when I was taking oxycodone, I wouldn't drive on it. I used good judgement. I would take it whenever I was in for the day and didn't need to go out again.
I just lost my dog, and I really loved my dog. It's bringing up a lot of grief from losing my husband. I feel really out of sorts.
I need help.
poster:Cass
thread:948145
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20100417/msgs/948145.html