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Re: Avoidant-tendency flick =) Angel Eyes

Posted by Timne on May 22, 2009, at 11:11:25

In reply to Re: Avoidant-tendency flick =) Angel Eyes Timne, posted by Sigismund on May 21, 2009, at 21:48:41

> > You at least read the middle of the post.
>
>
>
> That's right! I managed to do that am I'm pleased you noticed.
>
> I even reflected on your post (for what that's worth), thinking that the world that existed in say "To Kill a Mockingbird" was a lot less avoidant than todays one.


Boo was definitely an avoidant character, and the kids were steeped in avoidant behaviors when they rang his doorbell then fled.

I'd need to do some head-scratching to decide if it's worth considering murder an avoidant behavior, but that's what happened to the wrongfully convicted character. Our (fictional) sources who provide the account of his death aren't reliable, even in fiction, but didn't they say the defendant ran? So his solution, too, was avoidance.

Whether we are more or less avoidant now might not be an easy social trait to measure. The parochialism of those times facilitated some deep avoidance, but now our media world and (middle-)class expectations dictate routine avoidance.

Which stirs up another aspect of my symptomology -- I'm not avoidant by nature. Quite the opposite. Let it show, let it all hang out. But that doesn't fly in this world, and I don't fully appreciate the rules of class-based and culture-based avoidance, so I probably get triggered to avoid some situations I failed to adequately plan for.

Bottom line is, the most recent employer who claimed to my face I was God's gift to his future then asked me to cut my hours would only let me get personal time off -- to fit his hour-budget preference -- if I resigned my job. I assigned him a mental gymnastics test, which he grossly failed. He can now toss and turn at night to figure out why he let an employ leave who was doing exactly what he asked -- reduce my hours and take personal time when needed. Hell, I've contemplated doing the ultimate avoidant act on myself every day since. People's self-deception really causes me problems, because at the core, I face who I am and I usually gather enough clinically relevant information in the first days or weeks of knowing someone to make informed judgements about their motivations when interacting with me, as well.

.

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poster:Timne thread:896495
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20090513/msgs/897100.html