Posted by sometimesblue on March 18, 2009, at 10:27:40
...please bear with me....or giude me in the right direction please because I really need to talk to someone who can give me some insight as to what's wrong.
I'm feeling my depression trying to rise up again. And I've noticed that with it come this awful feeling of guilt. Suddenly I'll be sadenned by past wrongs (I don't know if they are real or just in my head). I'll feel guilty for not properly feeding my oldest son when he was a baby, like I starved him or something, he's on the small side (he's almost 4 yrs old now) and I think I'm the reason for that. Like I didn't take good care of him. I feel guilty for not spending enough time with him and my younger son (who is almost 2). I feel guilty for having to work, for yelling too much, for not holding them enough, not feeding them vegetables, forgetting to give them their vitamins. I feel like a horrible mom.
And it isn't just my kids, I feel awful for drinking too much, for not being a good wife, a good daughter to my parents. I don't know what to do. This feeling is so overwhelming I just want to retreat into a corner and cry.
I'm having mornings where i don't want to go to work because I feel like this heaviness on my chest (I can't explain it); I don't want to stay home because I feel so alone and I know I'll just cry...but then again, I don't want to see anyone. It's like i hate being me. What's wrong with me?
poster:sometimesblue
thread:885910
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20090226/msgs/885910.html