Posted by Cseagraves on January 18, 2009, at 12:49:25 [reposted on January 19, 2009, at 3:31:32 | original URL]
In reply to Re: 2012 - The beginning of a New Era, posted by linkadge on January 18, 2009, at 10:26:21
TO Everyone!!!
WOW!!!
I can honestly say that I was blown away this morning when I saw all of the responses to my ranting yesterday. I was almost afraid to read them. I just knew I was going to get blasted away by several people.
But that's not what I got.
What I received were messages that were warm, supportive, unselfish, funny, and uplifting responses.
As I was reading them, I started crying, actually sobbing. But it was a good sobbing, almost like a cleansing.
I realized that I had let this condition consume me. I did have these issues (GAD, depression) as a teenager nor as an adult. So when this hit me a couple of years ago, I didn't understand it. My first response was to fight it. I have control issues and I have been trying to pick apart the last couple of years and figure out what and when things went wrong. What did I do or what events might have occurred to send me into this downward spiral. I didn't realize how negative (or just plain scared of something that I couldn't explain).
I never did drugs, didn't drink alot, have always been very health conscious. (wouldn't even take tylenol unless emergency, and now I have been on 10 different psychotic meds in the last two years). I do have a very dysfunctional family, but who doesn't, just thought I had it handled.
What I read here today on these post helped to open my eyes back up. Everyone here has their own individual dxs and their own personal issues, and yet you are still able to appreciate the little things and at the same time keep a sense of humor. And then all of you also took the time to share your thoughts with me because I was having a difficult time.
I see now that I need to let go of how I was before and find who I am now, understanding that this illness or condition (whatever you want to call it)is a part of that without letting it define who I am. Like several have said, one day at a time, small baby steps. I wanted to be able to get this under control quickly and get back to my life, and every time with each new med, I would get my hopes up only to have them come crashing down when it didn't work.
Thank you to each and every one for your support and advice.
BTW: As I was writing this post, I noticed the sun shining through my windows. It's the first time the sun has been out in weeks. A sign maybe???
Courtney :-) See, I'm smiling.
poster:Cseagraves
thread:874861
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20090116/msgs/874886.html