Posted by Kath on December 1, 2008, at 21:43:51
In reply to smart VS me (venting), posted by Angela2 on November 30, 2008, at 21:56:50
~ ~ ~ Hi Angela - I like you a LOT & I am very much in what I call "Mummy Bear" mode right now as a result of reading this post.
Ya know how - look out if you encounter a bear & there's a baby bear nearby??? THAT kind of Mummy Bear. It's good your brother isn't anywhere nearby me! I'm answering 'through' your post between ***marks***
He always talks about himself as a very smart person. He IS very smart. He has a 4.0 and he's done some quite prestigious things.
**My husband & I were just talking about people who (I can think of no polite way to say it) brag about themselves. I find it embarrassing. They don't seem to know enough to be embarrassed...I get embarrassed for them!**
But he talks about it a lot, and he puts other people down. He usually does it when he is upset with them.
***How old is he Angela? He sounds rather immature. Unfortunately, being smart doesn't necessarily have much to do with being mature.***But it seems like, every single day now, he's talking to my mom about how he's so smart and he has this great talent of being smart, and he doesn't want to do any kind of job that doesn't use his brain.
****It's too bad your mom doesn't mention to him that 'blowing your own horn' isn't cool. It's too bad SOMEone doesn't let him know that, because once he's out in the 'real world' with a job or whatever, it will not serve him well. I do NOT think YOU should be the person to tell him.***
and for some reason, I just have started to feel bad about myself. I think, well, if he's smart, I must be stupid. ********given what you say later in this post - about his attitude to you, this is understandable. I do not think it's true. You sound quite intelligent & smart to me Angela. Formally-educated does NOT necessarily mean smart. And smart does not necessarily mean formally-educated. I, at least, firmly believe this.***
>
> Another thing that bothers me about him, is that he doesn't seem very nurturing or interested in me or my life or my activities.
*****Angela - he is MUCH too interested in himself to care about you (or probably anyone else either). I think it's really sad that someone along the way hasn't taken a bit of the 'wind out of his sail'. As I said before, he sounds rather immature.****We talk and stuff. It seems to me like he thinks I'm stupid and worthless and he doesn't want me to succeed.
******If you succeeded, Angela, he would have to share the limelight. I am sure he doesn't want to have to loose his place of honour.*****Maybe that's all in my head, but that's how I perceive it when I say to him in a conversation, "we have some of the same interests." and he looks down and smirks and doesn't say anything. Like his interests are better. Like just because we have the same interests, he is better than me. ugh.
*****Yup - unfortunately Angela, although he may get good marks at school, he's not getting very high marks in my view, in the 'admirable qualities as a person' area. I'm sorry to be so brutal. It's the M.Bear coming out. But ya know, I really don't like to see people being treated poorly - especially people I like. I bet that in some part of himself, he is nervous that you might move forward into his limelight & subconsciously is behaving in ways to make you feel insecure so that you won't start to pull forward more****I don't know if this sounds like I'm just crazy or what but I am sick of him, lol.
****You do NOT sound the least bit crazy. There's another person on this board whose sister should get together with your brother as far as 'non-admirable behaviour' goes!!!! And both of you 2 people on this board are wonderful people who deserve way better as far as siblings go. If you have a therapist, I do hope you discuss this stuff. I'm very sorry you have to be around this type of thing & witness it & hear it. The weird thing is that he's sort of making an a** of himself & doesn't even realize it.
((((((((((((((you))))))))))
MUCH love & support, Kath
poster:Kath
thread:865996
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20081126/msgs/866197.html