Posted by Fivefires on August 28, 2008, at 11:21:39
In reply to Re: Vabuse/ 911/ but fam *Mad At Me?* Need'TalkDown', posted by Fivefires on August 25, 2008, at 16:14:54
> > 5f, I'm glad the effexor is working for you. Slowly-- it takes time to recover from a crisis. Are you getting better at taking care of yourself?
> >
> > hugs
> > -Ll
>
> Ll - No!? I need my "Mommy" "Daddy" "Blankie", ... the words/the beings/the protection/the direction, I had as a child. Silly; I know. Embarrased; oh yeah. Honest; way! I've had years of being 'a leader', not a following sucking my thumb and pulling along my blankie. Who is me? That or this?
>
> I feel, I mean, really *FEEL* A LOT, TOO MUCH! And, it hurts, so I guess it's negativity coming ... 'into me' v. 'from me'.
>
> I need guidance, but there is no one IRL to turn to for this.
>
> I think it's just a matter of waiting this out. Truly I believe it is possible to overcome and rise above this.
>
> I just feal I could make the 'stuuupid/foolish' wrong turnl when one is presents to me.
>
> Does this make any sense?
>
> I need a hand to hold, not necessarily to lead me, for I can still lead at times, but just a hand, the 'someone has my back' hand.
>
> thisistheworst
>
> tks Li,
>
> 5f
>
>Hey Li ... I hope you didn't take my No!? as ... No! Don't ask!
I've been thinking about it and thought I'd better say something. Sometimes no inflection is worse than too much.
Your support is always appreciated.
I was sort of 'No! apostrophy'ing myself'. Like, I just can't dig down into the fortitude I once had and pull it off, getting going again.
Labs show I have very low iron, low B12 progesterone testosterone. Think it's CFS. When I brought it up at PCPs office he acted as if I'd asked a question he'd wished I hadn't, saying 'yes you probably have it, but so what, there's no cure'. He's running Epstein-Barr titers. Is EB the same as CFS? Just can't sit here so long anymore, but will do some more research.
Did a bit and ran into a thread by someone we've lost and was pretty upset.
This would make sense, as the intensity of the fatigue is larger than the depression I feel cognitively.
I have another thread going about Effexor-XR and/or its use in California Rocket Fuel. W/o Provigil can't get out of bed. The muscle in my legs is disappearing. I'm falling down, bruises all over. This began about the same time as went to 300mg (highest ever) of E-XR, so need talk to pdoc; is it fatigue or the E-XR ... dunno.
I keep trying to get IRL help from fam, but they say 'help yourself' when it is next to impossible besides maybe eating Grape-Nuts. A meditation/stretch class was be good, but not strictly yoga, couldn't do it. Have referral to hematologist for iron injections. Already on B12, but prob' not enough. Any info appreciated. Okay no cure, but there must be ways to help this. I am scared. A virus; something we cannot get rid of. So many people have worse I know. I think.(?)
So, hope explained Li, the No apostrophe question mark were aimed at myself, not you.
The man I was speaking about at the beginning of the post is my only real friend. I'd never have gotten to the doc yest' if not for him.
We all need a hand, I believe. Fam' must be tired of my ongoing 'unnamed' illness. I asked 'may I come and visit for a while?' and was told 'not now'. I'd love the feeling of having someone who loves me and I love under the same roof for a bit, a while. Think it would give me a better 'boost' than the kind in the can!
Haven't been online but a minute or so yest' and supposed to go to a student therapist this a.m. but don't think I've energy to get there.
This isn't good, but knowing what some of problem is will stop the dang' wonder/worry.
Tks Li/all
5f
poster:Fivefires
thread:841513
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20080816/msgs/848750.html