Posted by Kath on July 8, 2008, at 19:05:25
Well, I'm not doing great. Worrying a lot; having 'tight stomach' type anxiety when I think certain thoughts.
Having "I don't wanna do this" thoughts each day - would NOT do anything about them though. Just more, "I can't bear it" thoughts.
Three guesses........I'm sure I posted when hubby & I returned from our 1st-week-in-June holiday on the Bruce Penninsula. Got there Saturday. Tuesday nite got a phone call from son telling he had gotten 'kicked out' of his nice new place that he & 2 guys were sharing. I guess his noise production was the last straw for the landlord as to the downstairs tenants calling the police. It wasn't the first time they'd been called & the other times it wasn't always my son. So the other guys (who were away that weekend) told him he had to leave.
ANYway, my reaction was HUGE. It really ***ked up my holiday. I guess I should say that I wasn't able to rise above! Still, we went canoing with our new canoe & that day was nice. That was a few days later. While we were on the shore in the most wonderful cove that was just like some tropical haven, right down to turquoise water - my counsellor returned my call (on my cellphone)!!! She was able to help me calm down. I'm not saying I didn't have any enjoyment, but it was accompanied with heavy shadows from son getting kicked out LAST year, right near the same time. THAT time it was for cocaine use....this time it was for noise. BIGGG difference. However, I guess there's a part of me that doesn' "get it". I seem to react (emotionally) WAY out of proportion.
So son is staying with us. So he's here every day & part of what has helped me NOT dwell on him is keeping separate from him. ANYway, now he's waiting for his friend from a nearby town to get back to him as to son living at his place. So I get all bent out of shape about maybe he's changed his mind & they don't want my son there after all & what if this & what if THAT!!
AD NAUSEUM. I sometimes feel SO anxious & worried. I am finding it a tremendous challenge to "be in the NOW". I had Eckhart Tolle's "The New Earth" with me on my week away. Reading about The Pain Body helped me alot. I came home less 'messed up' than when I went. However, I am really finding it hard to control my anxiety.
And the thing is that right now, my son even has a part time job that he's GOING TO & there is nothing really bad happening (except that he spent all this month's money in 1 week! Good he has a pt time job that pays every Friday for a bit of extra money).
SO I guess I'm feeling worn down; upset; angry; sorry for myself; trapped; apprehensive; not knowing HOW I can cope with whatever happens next.
When if I can stand back I can tell myself, "This is DIFFERENT from last year. He's come Light Years from a year ago. For heaven sake, he even is able to stick with his job (even when it meant he had to shave off his little goatee). So he's with us right now. That is NOT the end of the world. Things have changed in the past. Things will change again." Etcetera. My mind seems to be able to at least SOMEtimes know that stuff. I wish my emotions & stomach muscles would know it also!
Anyway, I wanted to give an update.
I'm sorry I haven't been around. I feel out of touch with what is happening for people.
love, Kath
poster:Kath
thread:838872
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20080702/msgs/838872.html