Posted by Racer on June 30, 2008, at 9:53:20
In reply to Re: ... » Phillipa, posted by Deneb on June 29, 2008, at 22:54:35
> I can't say these things anymore because they always lead to no good. I don't want to be attention seeking. I'm past that now.
Deneb, honey -- seeking attention isn't bad. It's not the attention seeking that's bad -- we all seek attention, and that's fine. It's healthy to seek attention.
What makes the "attention seeking behavior" of BPD a problem is that it tends to be extreme and/or self-destructive behavior. There's nothing at all wrong with saying, "You know, I could use a little attention about now, could anyone here please listen to me a little?" The problem comes when someone says something more like, "You know, I could use a little attention about now -- and I'll do something desperate if you don't listen to me."
It sounds as though you've got a bunch of things happening at once. You're adjusting to a new job, and you're looking at tapering off your medications -- and you're getting faced with the reality of life, all at the same time. The reality of life is that it's not always very exciting, nor even all that interesting. Much of life is going to the same job every day and doing the same things there. During the period when one adjusts to that reality, there are often phases of thinking, "Is this all there is?" The answer to that question, by the way, is a resounding NO! There's more to life -- but that is still part of life.
And the medication changes, or even the thought of medication changes, can add to that, by bringing up all those uncertainties. And Deneb? Part of "losing your anonymity" here is that we know you well enough to know that you don't always handle uncertainties very well. :-) That's fine -- a lot of people, myself certainly included, have trouble with that.
Deneb, I don't know what's going on for you, but I'm very sorry you don't feel you can post about these things here right now. I hope you do feel the support you're getting here on this thread. And I hope you feel you can post what you need to post, and discuss what you need to discuss.
Peace, little one.