Posted by Lindenblüte on October 21, 2006, at 9:23:29
In reply to Re: to Jost » Lindenblüte, posted by Jost on October 20, 2006, at 22:16:31
> You were in New York? Whereabouts?
Times Square walked to Korean town (32 and 6th Ave?) ate K. BBQ. yum! And back to Times Square, stopping to buy me some new clothes on the way (I'm up a clothing size, ugh- at least for pants)
> The munchies-- not good; maybe you can stock up on carrots-- or apples. This is apple season, so if at a farmer's market, even in NYC, you can get good apples.
I like apples. I am not getting specific cravings, just generic munchies. I could satisfy them with pretty much anything, but I need to have something safe and convenient to eat that's not going to sabotage my blubberyness. Apples are good and portable. I have also found a protein bar that is not completely noxious. It's a pria bar with 110 calories. 1 g fiber, 5 g protein, 10 g sugar (okay it's got some sugar...) 3.5 g fat. Well, at any rate, it's a lot better for me than a candy bar or something like crackers which have NO protein.
> I got a couple of pounds yesterday, right across the street-- and it's only three or four fruit and flower stands from Long Island.
>
> Are you still in the East?yep- enjoying the fall colors :)
> It's hard for me to believe, Li, that you don't feel emotions, because your writing evokes lots of them. You say they aren't real ones, but more ones that you're acting out-- and I haven't had that problem, but more the reverse-- so maybe I don't know. I do try to be a more helpful, constructive person online-- but I"m not sure I'm pretending so much as feeling more protected from the immediacy of the person-- and the damage I imagine they might do.
That's similar to what my T said. She said that when I'm on my own, I'm more likely to express and experience emotions. (this is why I seem quasi-human on p-babble) However, in the presence of another person, including T, and often husband, I will generally not show or experience emotions. I never even realized how naturally and effortlessly I do this-- until this mechanism started failing me!
> I think, though, that when you do feel more authentic, you'll find that it comes naturally to you.
Jost- this stuff has never come "naturally" to me. It's kind of like getting dressed up. I only trot out the emotions for certain people, in certain occasions. I hope that they make more frequent appearances, but it's really tough sometimes. Last night, for example, husband was on the phone with his mom for half an hour to try to figure out ingredients for different recipes that we're going to cook this week. He was getting frustrated and excited, and just hearing that tone in his voice really made me feel anxious and on edge. At least I knew *why*, and I told him so, and presently, he is once again on the phone with her, because he forgot to ask her about one step in this recipe. (but he went into the bedroom and shut the door, instead of being right next to me!)
> Is it going okay with your husband? have you patched up any disagreements?
I think so. A little cuddling goes a long way (good idea from Phillipa :). I don't mean sex either. I mean a simple hug.
(((hugs)))
-Li
poster:Lindenblüte
thread:696149
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20061018/msgs/696497.html