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Re: I Have Never Felt So Calmly Uncaring » Deneb

Posted by corafree on November 16, 2005, at 0:09:27

In reply to Re: I Have Never Felt So Calmly Uncaring » corafree, posted by Deneb on November 15, 2005, at 16:53:53

It's stranger than that.

I am planning on dying soon.

Someone else packed my things (it was like I was out of my body/mind, a robot).

Someone else pretended they were happy that their mother moved them 'like a chess piece' on a game board from one place to another (I am good at acting.).

Here now, I'm feeling the real me. The real me feels things are bad, inside my body and around me.

It's been 10yrs. My ex abusive husband divorced me and that's when I moved to my prior little condo.

I turned it into a comfort zone ... was working the first 2yrs and so could decorate and make it warm and homey(sp?). Then a couple yrs later, I started to be unable to go w/o missing work every once, a month or two. They put me on probation. My daughter needed me and my father needed me, and they wouldn't give me a leave. I was working hard and putting out great work, but on probation you receive no raises. After 3mos of not missing any work, at my review, she did not take me off probation. I quit. I filed and won compensation. I tried to more short jobs, lost them .. one because my hands shook, the other because they said I was not remembering directions. It was then I filed for SSD and did so w/ a mental health diagnosis.

My life really went through many stages there. Leaving it behind feels like another failure.

bw&tu,cf


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