Posted by NikkiT2 on July 24, 2005, at 13:28:49
In reply to Re: Not coming to terms w/being diff *trigger* » NikkiT2, posted by Deneb on July 24, 2005, at 12:29:29
Avoidance is something I used to do SO much.. for 2 years I was virtually entirely house bound.. and if I didn't know the phone number on the phones display, there is no way I would have answered it..
It like I had to relearn how to be human all over again.. I knew I couldn't live the life I was living, and so pushed and pushed.. how ever hard something felt, or however much I didn't want to do it, I really pushed myself. It was hard.. really really hard.. and there were times I didn't succeed.. but over the preiod of a few years it started getting much easier.. and noticing that me, just stupid fat me, could actually change things, that I could actually make something is what really pushed me on harder to get where I am now..
I have friends who have been an awful lot more ill than you, an awful lot more manipulative, suicidal and unable to live than you.. nearly all of them are alive, surviving and out there fighting and making changes.. Some will probably never be able to work full time, but they do their bit for others and it really satisfies them.
I've been here through the worst of mine, and some of the worst has been documented here..
I warn you, I can counter *every* argument you can think of as to why you "can't get better" *grins*
the biggest question is though, do you *want* to get better?? OK, I'm going to open up alot here as I thinks its quite an important lesson..
I *enjoyed* being ill. I enjoyed being able to focus in on my illness. I enjoyed saying "I can't do that, I have BPD", or "I am allowed to do this as I have BPD".. I enjoyed having people check I was OK. I enjoyed being able to moan that there was no treatment for me (we have very long waiting lists here in the UK). I enjoyed being able to complain about side effects of meds. Basically, I enjoyed the attention it got me.
Then the CBT came up.. I was so so sure it wouldn't help me.. I didn't take it seriously at all.. but suddenly, after quite some time (6 months or more) it started to have some effect.. I started finding some things easier.. I started finding it easier to tell my psychologist the problems I was facing.. And facing the problems and over coming them became easier..
Getting better isn't easy.. I'm not going to kid you on that.. but you know you have to try.. and you have to give you life chance..
Hang in there.. you're not a freak, and this IS treatable..
Nikki xx
poster:NikkiT2
thread:531946
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050719/msgs/532734.html