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Re: WHY???

Posted by sleepygirl on July 14, 2005, at 19:09:49

In reply to Re: WHY???, posted by Angela2 on July 13, 2005, at 20:57:14

Take care of yourself in what way? like your health?

I forget sometimes to spend time doing things I like or for me. I've expended lots of energy hoping to make money doing something I'd like, and I guess in a way it worked. I won't kid you though, it's been seriously difficult. I've carried ridiculous amounts of anxiety through my life.

Going through school, I used to exercise a lot, I made sure I took that time. Since then though I don't take that time, to exercise, to do things I like (no more fun classes) so I've gained a lot of weight and a lot of self doubt about my not being able to handle what other "more normal" people might not have a problem with.

I used to have a lot of problems speaking in public, still do in fact, but less (and I have spent thousands of hours now doing just that-my goodness!!!) It somehow gets easier. I took a couple of speech classes, and yes, had lots of presentations in grad school, and I try to remember that it won't make or break me-I will live on to fight another day. I sometimes go on a bit of an automatic pilot and I just keep talking-I'm told I still speak in English. This has been seriously difficult, and this is the reason for the WHY??? post. On some days I can't believe I do what I do. Honestly I think I just try to focus more on the other people in the room to distract me from myself (and they are usually worse off than me). It also helps to like what you're talking about, and a sense of humor definitely does not hurt. What I hope is that I don't miss out on things because I'm too scared. Sorry if I've said too much about this, it's a big struggle. I don't underestimate the fear, I hope it won't get in your way too much, and I wish you much comfort too. It's hard to manage sometimes with social anxiety. BTW I'm 30. It's not rude to ask, but I do wish I was younger :-) Good luck with the art show!!
-sleepy


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