Posted by alesta on May 16, 2005, at 22:40:59
can i put my arms around you?
it's a lonely old naaahaaahaaaiiiite......
i've got to stop thinking about him.
ok, change of subject..below is kind of a blog of sorts..it really helps me to vent stuff here, which i have been doing a lot of lately. i have been sitting on these feelings all day and been really depressed..time to come back to babble and get it out..i can't believe i was going to leave this place during such a trying time..not a good idea...i'm depressed today, and trying to climb out of the tomb i'm encased in..i'm fading fast..boy, my writing is really lacking umph tonight..
went to get my stuff today at ex's..it was really hard seeing my dogs..(felt nothing at all today for the ex romanticwise thank god...i knew i wouldn't.) how do you tell a dog why you don't come around anymore? i tried not to cry while i got my stuff, pet and talked to my beautiful pitt. i kinda miss my dog. trying not to think about it...
my ex has totally fallen apart. there was dog cr*p on the floor, the bathrooms smelled *horrible* (like cr%p), and he had had a dirt bike accident that day. his arm was all scraped up and he couldn't walk on his foot..he had sprained it. i feel bad for him. and he thought i was coming back, for some weird reason. thank god i'm not. just seeing him and the house like that was so....depressing. the water was also turned off, and possibly the electricity. god, i can't even think about this anymore...
i called him today to give him info about the free clinic in our area so he'd get help for his sprained/broken? foot. i don't want him to suffer, even though he made me in the worst way, worse than he is now. i guess that's the meaning of what i'm supposed to learn in this life. i feel happy that i learned that..how to love selflessly..or maybe i'm here to teach him how to love....or, more likely, both...
anyway, i just thought that even my showing him i cared would help him (but without giving mixed signals..i made it very clear that we were over). i think it did..will give him some impetus to care for himself.
i never think about my ex, and have ceased contact (aside from my trying to get him medical care). but it's nice to have a vestige of humanity, ya know? to discover that in *yourself*.:)
i feel sooooo blah. i don't think i'm going to get any more pets. it's too hard when you have to say goodbye.
i think i feel a little better now..thanx for listening.:)
please, if anyone decides to reply, please don't mention my dogs..i don't want to talk/think about them...it'll make me sad. thanks.:)
<end of blog>
poster:alesta
thread:498757
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050513/msgs/498757.html