Posted by alesta on May 11, 2005, at 14:44:05
In reply to Re: icky feelings, posted by sunny10 on May 11, 2005, at 13:48:30
> my stepfather (who just died) used to lick his lips before kissing us and then pucker up so much that he was kissing us with the wet insides of his lips....
oh that is SO gross!
> it was always GROSS........ I trained myself to be "momentarily distracted" in order to turn my head at the last second...
i know exactly what you mean. sorry you had that experience, sunny.
> Then, after he died, my sister (three years older than I am) told me that he had sexually molested her.i hope she was able to talk about it...
> Ever since, I have been wondering more about the WHY of the fact that I have barely any childhood memories at all....I mean, besides the emotional abuse and neglect of my mother and my stepfather's physical abuse, that is...
>
> IS there more than that way down so deep inside that even I can't see it?i don't know, sunny...i know in the past i have wondered why i didn't have more memories from childhood..maybe it's supposed to be foggy..that could be totally wrong, what i just said..:) it could also indicate the repressing of those memories, as you were indicating..
> So, yeah, I can see what you mean about yucky feelings towards your family...from a couple of points of view...i hear you. this kind of stuff happened to me a lot growing up..my stepfather would 'accidentally' touch my butt (still does) and tries to look down my shirt when he hugs me. i can't stand him. my grandmother would 'feel me up' to see if my bathing suit was still wet. i have never told anyone that. my brother also touched me. but i know he was sorry..so i am at peace with that. my mother..i don't know..it's very subtle, but like, for instance, today, she was brushing a strand of my hair with her hand and touched my chest..it just didn't feel right. maybe i'm just making something out of nothing, but i've always felt a weird vibe from her. but i try to push it away. i think she senses that i felt awkward after she did that today..i was suddenly cold and distant..and now i feel really awkward and uncomfortable with her..and i think she can sense it..which makes me feel more awkward. i do not want to piss her off. and i hate the fact that this happened *today*, just now.
i can't seem to stop telling all at this site anymore..it's like a gate opened and i am helpless to stop revealing everything. maybe i know that it's what i need to do to survive at this point. so i'm sorry to anyone who is sick of hearing all my issues. i should run out of them soon..:)
i hope others here feel like they can talk about this now openly. i never see any discussions about this.
amy:)
poster:alesta
thread:496451
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050503/msgs/496473.html