Posted by partlycloudy on May 6, 2005, at 9:02:58
In reply to Re: Still struggling. » partlycloudy, posted by AdaGrace on May 6, 2005, at 8:29:07
When I started on this journey of psychotropic medications and therapy, my depression, anxiety and panic were tangled up with what you are looking at now: self doubt, self loathing, and self destruction. I think I have 2 out of 3 behind me, and the self destruction is on its way out of my life. It does make the depression easier to live with when your view of yourself isn't complicated by the negative self-speak you're still experiencing. Good days are easier come by when you know that you deserve every one of them.
I do like the image of you running rampant with your John Deere over garden debris. I don't tend to feel much anger any more (it takes too much energy). It was all directed at people in my past with whom I no longer have any contact whatever, so letting go of the anger was a great relief.
As for my medications, they are not too complicated at the moment: Cymbalta 60mg, Provigil 100mg moving to 200mg next week, Xanax .5mg as needed, and Propanolol 20mg for blood pressure control. Plus a gazillion supplements to help sustain sobriety.
A trip to the gym isn't going to happen while I still feel this way. I have no agressions to release, no angry or hurtful feelings to take out on the machines. Apathy is what's left at the moment. A great sadness, weariness and a wish for a return to my bed for say, 48 hours or so.
poster:partlycloudy
thread:494422
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050503/msgs/494459.html