Posted by Tamar on March 30, 2005, at 16:02:03
In reply to Re: tis been awhile, posted by Dinah on March 29, 2005, at 20:29:01
> I find it interesting that people who think it's acceptable would also rather not know. While there are things that I'd rather not know in my marriage, it's because I know that they aren't acceptable so I can't risk finding them out. I find it hard to wrap my mind around thinking something is ok, but not wanting to know about it.
Well, I'm in the 'rather not know' camp but I'm not entirely comfortable in the 'think it's acceptable' camp. I don't think I could accept my husband's infidelity very easily, but I think it would be something I could forgive if I found out about it. And I could forgive it much more easily than some other things.
If I found out my husband had been unfaithful, my main concern would be whether he was going to leave me. As long as he had no plans to leave me, I could overlook it. I just don't think I would feel terribly hurt. Maybe a little, but not too much, as long as it was no real threat to my marriage. To be honest, I'd be more annoyed if he took up golf than if he had a brief affair (which doesn't make an affair acceptable; just less unacceptable than golfing, if that makes sense). But I think I'm probably very weird about this.
> Especially something like this, where it so often does become known. And again, there's that whole penis/vagina thing. I want to know where that's been before it comes in intimate contact with me.
That raises a question I find interesting. At what point does sex start? Is it specifically a penis/vagina thing? Would it still be infidelity if there were no genital contact? I know there's a whole debate about online 'affairs', which interests me quite a bit. Any views?
> But apparently that's just me - at least here. There seems to be lots of support for infidelity on the board. :)
I don't think you're on your own - I don't support infidelity either, in the sense that I wouldn't want to promote it. A friend of mine recently had an affair that led to the breakup of her marriage, and while I think her new partner is a better match for her, I found it quite difficult to support her decision to end her marriage. Nevertheless, I do find the whole discourse extremely interesting.
poster:Tamar
thread:475746
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050330/msgs/477790.html