Posted by Gabbi-x-2 on March 27, 2005, at 17:53:27
In reply to Re: ???????? » Gabbi-x-2, posted by alexandra_k on March 27, 2005, at 16:40:23
> I know I don't need to be :-) But you are feeling frustrated and unheard etc and I am sorry for that.
Not this time, really. If I was feeling hurt or unheard I probably wouldn't respond. The party isn't personal for me, I'm not that sad about not going, but even if I was I can feel a let down without feeling someone is responsible.
> > I'm saying that in this case, for example, the angry reactions might make him see something he didn't before, and give him an increased understanding of how people are likely to feel in another situation.
> This situation strikes me as being very very similar to the vsg situation. And what I am doing is saying the same thing in both cases. I tried to find it from the archives - but no luck.
I think they got it, or I know I did, but
it's not that it's difficult to understand, it's simply that some people don't always agree with the concept... period. I think most of us here at babble especially, are very familiar with the "choosing how you feel" idea, it's one of my pet peeves as a theory but not for lack of understanding.
> IMO it is the same thing once more.
> I never was trying to change anyones mind / feelings. Just to point out that there are different factors that you can choose to reflect on. Which ones you choose to focus on have a lot to do with the intensity of upset.
Okay, I think you've made a big assumption about how upset people are. Sunny said she wasn't that dissappointed, I said I wasn't that dissappointed. Actually the only thing that bothered me was the reminder of the financial situation, not the fact that I can't go. So I don't know where that came from. And I think as far as how I feel being what I focus on.. that's just such a given Maybe that's why people got offended?
I'll put it this way. Suppose I really want children, and good friends of mine are celebrating having a baby, I'd be happy for them, and also feel a bit sad. Ít doesn't mean I don't think they should be allowed to have children. If I was sad and someone said " you can choose to focus on something else" I'd feel like saying "f*ck off" Who isn't doing that consciously already? It's probably why most of us aren't suicidal all the time. Hurt doesn't have to be justified, and I don't believe we can *choose* how we feel all the time, I never will. If you had said that what helps you when you are upset is focussing on something else, I would take that in an entirely different way.
> But, like I said, I don't think I can say it any better and I think peoples got offended with me last time, so there it is.
> I don't see him changing.
I didn't say change once, and I didn't mean to say it.
I said learn, and how I meant that was maybe sometime in his life he'll have another group of various means that he would like to invite somewhere, now he'll have another factor to take into consideration. Does it mean he has to? no!
Sometimes though, if a person is used to living a certain way they can forget that it's not that way for everyone. What he does with it is entirely up to him.
> That is what the world is like. Sometimes we can't do things that we would like to do.
Yeah, I already said that verbatim in a prior post on the subject which is why I'm wondering why you think I'm very upset, or upset at people.
> At least at Babble (I believe anyways) there isn't any malicious or exclusionary intent.
That isn't always the case in the real world.