Posted by TamaraJ on March 3, 2005, at 14:58:57
In reply to (No subject), posted by partlycloudy on March 3, 2005, at 14:43:16
I am glad that you have come to the realization that you are not a loser. Because that is so far from the truth. Noboby who has good intentions and tries to conquer an addiction is a loser. Oh, and I am glad to hear that it is feeling like your depression is in remission. Yahoo for PC!
I am not going to provide any annoying advice, maybe just give you some things to think about (which may, in itself be annoying, but hey, that's me!). Sometimes I think it is the finality in our decisions that cause us the most anxiety, and the pressure we put on ourselves to succeed. When we say "Never again" we set ourselves up for potential failure and recriminations because "never" is such a long time, and we simply do not know what tomorrow is going to bring. Perhaps a more realistic goal is "just for today", and slowly the todays start to build up and it turns out not to be so bad. We find substitutes for our unhealthy habit. Hey, didn't you say you quit smoking? Well, you did it (and probably experienced a lot of anxiety along the way).
You have to do this on your terms, and if telling yourself never again is causing enormous anxiety, then it's time for a gentler, kinder approach perhaps.
I don't know. But, I do wish you well.
Tamara
> I have started 4 threads and then backed out instead of posting them. I'm sickened by my inability to quit drinking, but didn't want to post this on Substance because what is crippling me is my anxiety.
> How can I go days and weeks with no drinking and no problem with it; and then when I consciously decide to stop, the anxiety took a strangle hold on me and still hasn't let up?
> My depression feels like it is in remission. My self esteem is so fragile. I no longer call myself a Loser, but I feel lumpy, dumpy, not the brightest bulb in the chandelier, and definitely a big old waffler. Quit drinking. Don't quit drinking.
> And this anxiety... being off effexor and on a minimum dose of cymbalta is not doing the trick for me. I'm also on a teeny dose of inderal (20mgs) which works for about 20 minutes on the anxiety, but it's keeping my blood pressure normal. I take xanax "as needed" yeah right, if I took it as needed I'd run out of it in a week. That stuff is hardly worth it. When it wears off you actually feel worse than before. My p-doc is cutting down on her schedule, so my appointment for next week got pushed out to the end of the month. I'm not falling apart (yet) so I don't want to bother her, but I'm uneasy about adjusting my meds without her blessings.
>
> I don't like feeling like this. I don't like having a tight gripping hand on my heart, my stomach in knots. I can't concentrate still and have to look at my watch every time I answer the phone in order to remember whether it's morning or afternoon.
> The wheels are coming off.
>
poster:TamaraJ
thread:466009
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050224/msgs/466022.html