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Thank god for a f*rt thread

Posted by Phil on February 7, 2005, at 20:37:44

We've reached my level of understanding the universe. So..I thought I'd tell you a f*rt story from my yoot.
My mother was an incredibly heavy drinker when I was young. Well one night, my step-brother and I were lighting f*rts in our bedroom.
I should say that I grew up in a small town and a ten year old had to make his own kicks, and shooting an 8" blue flame out your *** was plenty fun. Sweet tarts made me f*rt so I could be 'loaded' any time. My peers saw me as 'gifted'.
My step-bro and I were laughing psychotically mad.
Tears running down our faces, stomach ached from too much gas and too many laughs.
Anyway, being impulsive like I was, is, I told my bro that I was gonna go show Moma some chemistry in the livin' room. I don't think she had much, if any, to drink that night. My stepbro said I was nuts but I go running in my singed underwear and skinny ten your old self to the living room floor.
As I lay on my back and put my feet up in the air, my mother was going,'Philip E., what on earth are you doing?' It was then I struck the match and placed it gingerly about an inch from my, uh, underwear.
Cue foghorn..blue flames lit up the night like a nuclear bomb. I had a good run going. A flash fire. Blue methane flames a dozen inches from the, uh, muzzle.
I swear to god, I never, ever saw my mother laugh so hard. She lost it! I had carried out my duty.
My role in the household was caretaker / entertainer. It was so fun to see her laugh.
I don't remember the bad times like before: I hang onto the laughs.
I ain't got no advice except just don't take life too seriously-it's wasting laughing time.


Phil


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poster:Phil thread:454672
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050205/msgs/454672.html