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TofuE,Tabi,MHC,Toots,JPJ=Finally My Answers

Posted by 64bowtie on February 1, 2005, at 4:12:21

Tofuemmy;
Tabitha;
Misshoneychurch;
Tootercat;
just plain jane;
...and y'alls;

You were gracious in your responses to my request of two long weeks ago:

http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050116/msgs/443602.html

> Tofuemmy, asked for a 10 list.

<<< This is my list of priorities as a top ten list (inverse order of importance)

<<< 10. SEEK BEAUTY AND BEAUTIFUL OUTCOMES TO ALL MY AFFAIRS: ...and seek to include other people in my life that are themselves seeking beauty and beautiful outcomes to their endeavors.

<<< 9. PERCEPTION: Once I suspended my beliefs, I began seeing more clearly.

My ability to perceive things accurately and clearly has continued to increase, in turn I extinguished any lingering internal conflicts, freeing me to even better perceive the next time.

The more I perceived, the more I perceived and did a better job of it!

I discovered quickly that beliefs are overrated. Beliefs are only a tool I use to process more-better-quicker, with the downside that I can miss the obvious if I don't take the time to study what I perceive first before employing the filter.

This has enhanced my intuition greatly. Intuition is partial information that is acted upon has a risk of failure because of its incompleteness.

Thats now OK by me since I spend more time perceiving IRL and less time believing what folks insist I believe.

I remain curious about all things around me.

<<< 8. UNDERTAND AND ACCEPT MY HISTORY: Until I learned this lesson, I was going around being clever to leak this history to this person and that history to that person; in a sense I was a dedicated control freak, attempting veinly to control what people thought of me.

Today, I have a lot more time on my hands because I no longer act clever with this and that person.

I accept my history as my history; me... and what you think of me and my history is none of my business.......

<<< 7. BELIEFS: I had to discover the nature of beliefs so as to be able to quickly identify them as beliefs and not goals, or some other mistaken identity.

Once I got my head around the concept of beliefs, I went looking for some of mine I might cherish.

I quickly discovered that most of my beliefs were messing me up and didn't even belong to me.

They were part of the crap that had left me obligated to other peoples theorys and themes, leaving me far away from the life I so desired.

I then began a courageous process of suspending all my beliefs for further study, planning to junk the bad ones and save the good ones.

I later refined the process by also junking beliefs that didn't originate from me and replacing them with ones that I knew and understood.

Along the way I discovered that beliefs were better understood as a tool for efficient processing of 'new stuff'.

From my Submarine days in the US Navy, I quickly saw how I use beliefs to filter 'new stuff' more efficiently than having to study stuff as if I'd never seen it before.

I also began to picture how corrupted my filters had become by complying with other peoples beliefs instead of my own.

<<< 6. HABITS: By discovering how habits had shaped my life of disfunction, I courageously ventured onward to ferret-out my own bad-habits, updating and altering my behavior, intellect, and intentions that supported the badness of any particular habit.

I rejoiced in the extinguishing of my dysfunction.

<<< 5. UNDERGO A 'SOCIAL' EMANCIPATION RITUAL: I am so grateful that I underwent my own emancipation as a ritual.

It consisted of a meeting of few close friends and a few acquaintances over a pot-luck dinner party, held at a local church social hall.

The theme of the ritual was to allow me to state my emancipation from my dysfunctions and finally become an adult in my family of origin; May of 1989, I was age 36; a little late by normal standards.

I noted that I was now an adult and began discovering for the first time in my life how important it was to acknowledge how many advantages there were to being an adult; childhood as better became realized as a myth!

I remain grateful and 'at awe' as to the power that single incident has had over my life from that point on into today.

I now have a life!

<<< 4. DISCOVER AND RECOGNIZE BAD-HABITS AS DYSFUNTION: In order to have a life, I sensed that I must first clear away the wreckage to better see where I was and where I was going.

I first broke though when I discovered how much time I was spending feeling my way along in life.

I further discovered that the part of my brain that managed my heart (energy), my stomach (hunger), my intestines (feelings), and my diaphram (aspiration), was the visceral cortex.

Along with management camr the imperatives, thus reasoning provided by feelings of good and bad.

Once I knew what about me to watch, I saw how I slid from one foolish behavior to another, matching feelings to outcomes, and doing a very poor job of it!

I saw myself as bound up to my imperatives while denying it was my doing and not knowing how to get out of this destructive pattern, nor when and how to start into recovery.

Denial and indecision were blocking my recovery from happening.

<<< 3. REPLACE AVOIDANCE, ANGER AND FEAR, WITH ACCEPTANCE, CURIOSITY AND DISCOVERY: Limping along with all my bad habits and behaviors hanging over me, I chose to update and replace a few of my personal skills, abilities and attributes.

I quickly discovered the destructive nature of my griping, grumbling, complaining, and gossipping, and began working hard to stop!!!

I am mostly grumble-free today!

<<< 2. DEVELOP EFFECTIVE CONFLICT REOLUTION STRATEGIES: Once I got a hnadle on how ineffective I was at day to day life because of my confusion and bewilderment of what was going on, averaging 20 minor to major problems and conflicts per day, I set about to develop negotiation and problem solving strategies in order to better cope.

I made conflict resolution a priority, focusing on those concerns of most importance and closest to daily endeavors.

I suddenly noticed a quietness in my mind; I spoke only with one voice, mine.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
...and the number 1 priority necessary for find recovery and finding a life is.....
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

<<< 1. ELIMINATE VIOLENCE AND COERCION: Living mostly in my feelings, I was leaping into conflicts and problem solving by resorting to shame and blame of others in order to get them to perform 'MY WAY'!

This coercion was backed up by the threats and actual use of violence; 'road-rage' was only one manifestation!

Until I got this aspect of my personality under 'new management', any feable attempts at recovery were hopeless failures.

NOTE: I went on a journey about 20 years ago to find a way out from my pitiful life. One day I realized that I was back at the beginning and had really never left. I found myself there waiting for me, and yet had never actually gone anywhere regardless of my journey. I am now adult and glad to be one, having no regrets about missing out on my youth. Along the way, I have found my 'happiness' and my 'freedom'. For more insight, reread the entries in reverse order starting with # 1.


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poster:64bowtie thread:450907
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050128/msgs/450907.html