Posted by Angielala on January 26, 2005, at 12:47:59
In reply to me, posted by spiacente on January 26, 2005, at 12:13:18
Hey there,
Sticky saituation, but not the end of the world... sounds easy, right?
Well, here's my take on some of this... I hope I'm going to be helpful (I have been through the worst of relationships, we can get into that some other time)...
The main problem is that this girl doesn't know what she wants. She has been mistreating you. She might be upset about what you said, and sure, thsoe mean posts you put up might have ticked her off, but if she had one ounce of decency, she would realize that you were acting out in pain- she hurt you. You don't just stop talking to someone after making such a conenction. And this email that wasn't supped to get to you- that a passive aggressive way for her to get out of everything without her having to face the music.
To sum it up- you haven't done anything wrong, she has. In fact, you should be angry with her, if you aren't already. The hardest, yet the best thing that you have to try to do is ignore her. When it hurts so much that you want to see her and talk to her again, you have to give yoursel;f the mantra "She screwed me over. I deserve better"
See, like me way back, you are used to being mistreated. Because of that, you never feel as though you have the right to strive for more, or demand an explaination, etc... you have to start making standards... ie "If she stops calling me, I will acll her and leave a message and send her one email that simple asks if she's ok"- never assume that she's not wanting to talk to you, assume that she's doing something else- and if she doesn't return your message/phone call, then that's that. You then have to tell youself, "She wasn't the one".
Something I found that I did was hop from one bad relationship to another- which you jsut did- our kind wants to be loved and will do anything to feel it... and we are afraid to be alone. It'll be hard at the begining, but not having a girlfriend for a while (like months) and going out to make friends (male & female) will make you feel like a million bucks as time wears on.
It's always easier said than done, but I'm telling you that you will get through this, and it's going to make you stronger.
We are here for you to help- and as I have said, I have been there- I have done worse (ie send evil mail top their house and such) and I'm still alive (although I thought I was going to end it many times)
The fact that you are on this board and were completely honest in telling us that, means that you are stronger than you are giving yourself credit for. When you ask for help, it shows strength, not weakness.
Let me know how you are doing....
> I am 15, and I feel like my life is destroyed.
>
> My story is long and complicated but I'll try to explain and please don't judge me too badly.
>
> I was in a relationship where I wasn't treated the best and I decided I'd had enough. It was late at night when I decided to find somebody else so I couldn't go out and find someone and I went into a teen chatroom and had a look. I started talking to a girl from the same city as me and she made me feel better about myself. We stayed in contact with e-mail for a few weeks and then I asked her if she wanted to meet me at a shopping centre. We met there and as soon as I saw her I fell in love. That day was the best day of my life and was the first time in my 15 years on the planet when I had smiled without it being for show. We went out a bit more and I decided to let her meet my parents which I had never done before. She came over for dinner one night and my family liked her. After that night I didnt hear from her for almost 2 weeks even though I had been sending messages so I decided to call her. I called and no one answered. I figured that she was busy and I didn't think much of it. Another 2 weeks went by and I tried to call again. I got no answer the second time and I started to get worried, so I sent some messages asking why she wasn't answering. I waited for hours and I got no reply so I came to the conclusion that I had been left in the worst way I can imagine. I was mad and I was heart broken. I went onto a website that I knew she uses the forums of and I posted some messages saying some stuff I'm not proud of. I then sent some e-mails to her saying almost the same stuff. After I had finished I got a message from her saying she had been busy with her friend that was having family problems and she was helping her. I felt awful and so I sent a message bakk saying a friend of mine had got my password for the forums and had posted the messages and had also done the e-mails but I had sent them in a burst of angriness. She didn't believe me that much but she was still talking to me like it was ok. Her cousin started e-mailing me and she would tell me how she(my gf) was feeling so that I wouldn't make her feel worse. She told me a lot of things I didn't know and this is an e-mail she forwarded from my girlfriend to her cousin which I wasn't supposed to see.
>
> hey, u sending ****** abuse mail? U DO KNOW THATS ILLEGAL!!!! STOP!
>
> I cant get over what was written on ******** bout me. He says his friend did it, but I dunno. "I >dont care if it is a mistake, I've had enough of her b*llshit." That remark pissed me off.
>
> also, he keeps trying to message and call me and I dont know what to tell him. "F*ck off, I'm still steaming?"
>
> I'm a little ticked off at what you wrote, give me a bit of time?
>
> Never talk to me again?
>
> Anyway, I dont know what to do. What I'd really like, is a break from guys altogether. I dont want to toally drop being friends w/ ****** coz hes a gr8 guy, but I dont want a bf for at least a few months. I shud have had a break after dumping J.
>
> I dont want him to think I dont want anything to do w/ him coz I think he is already a bit insecure >about how he looks (which is crazy, coz he looks fine. Not gorgeous but not an ugly git either. >Anyway, like that matters).
>
> Plus, I DO want to keep being friends with him, and maybe one day start seeing him again. But >not right now. I dont really want to see anyone for a while.
>
> But I dont know how to say that to him without him thinking I am totally dumping him.
>
> Well, I think you get the idea.
>
> SEND ME YOUR WORDS OF WISDOM, AND YOUR FOUL LANGUAGE, Lol.
>
>
> Cya
> Luv
> ****
>
> That just tore me up inside and I even went suicidal for a while. She made it seem like we were going to be fine again and I was starting to feel happy again. My birthday is in a few weeks and it looks like I'm going to be spending it alone. When I think about her I start shaking and I get a headache and I start crying. I keep breaking down and I don't know how much longer I can last. I have nobody I can talk to and I need help soon.
>
> Please help me. If you have any questions I will try to answer
> Spiacente (not real name)
poster:Angielala
thread:448120
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050123/msgs/448144.html