Posted by fallsfall on January 1, 2005, at 12:12:26
In reply to Re: It doesn't seem to matter . . . » fallsfall, posted by Angel Girl on January 1, 2005, at 0:52:33
It took me years to learn to let things go. I think the hardest part for me was recognizing that I had limits. That there were things that I *couldn't* do no matter how hard I tried. This was (and still is) a big blow to me. After I realized that I couldn't do things, then I had to learn that if I didn't do things, that the world would still function. A memorable comment by my therapist was "If you had Pnemonia, would you be expected to drive your kids all over the place? Why is it reasonable to expect that when you have severe depression?" There are so many things that we do that we think are "necessary", that really aren't. I used paper plates for 9 months because I couldn't get the dishes into and out of the dishwasher. And that worked fine.
How many things do you do solely because you think that others will look down on you if you don't do them? If it doesn't matter to *you*, why should you do it just for *them*? For instance, let's talk about mowing my lawn. My house is on a wooded lot - there is a line of motley trees next to the street that shield my house from the street. There is enough shade so that my (mangy) grass doesn't grow very well at all. I didn't mow my front lawn until fall. I mowed my back lawn because that's where my dogs go and the ticks are worse if the grass is tall, and it is hard to clean up after the dogs when the grass is tall, and because my shorter dog is unhappy when the grass is too tall. But I didn't mow the front - I kind of like the rustic look, and there were lots of tree branches that I didn't have the energy to pick up (so mowing was hard). But as fall approached, all those trees were going to drop their leaves. It is so much easier to remove the leaves in the fall before the snow has started to decay them. *I* don't want my whole front yard to be covered with leaves on a permanent basis. So in September I started picking up the sticks and eventually mowed the grass - it is hard to blow the leaves through tall grass. And I blew leaves. I didn't quite finish, but I did well enough so I won't have a mess in the spring. The point is that I have neighbors who hire companies to come and put chemicals on their lawns so their grass will grow and then come to cut it once a week so they will have manicured lawns. It would be easy to say "Gee, my neighbors will think XXX about me if I don't have a lush green lawn" and then feel like I had to spend a lot of time and effort and money on something that isn't important to *me*. Being able to blow my leaves *was* important to me, so I mowed the lawn for that reason. But I didn't mow it in June or July or August - that was one of the things I "let go".
P.S. I ate a bowl of Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream while writing this post. See http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041218/msgs/431999.html for my experiences with ice cream (but note the trigger warning, and don't read it if it would be detrimental to you). This is another example of "letting go". I weigh 50 pounds more than I want to, so I *should* go on a diet and exercise and lose that weight. But right now Ice cream and chocolate are important to my mental health, and I've decided that my mental health is more important than those 50 pounds. So, for now, I don't worry about my weight (and I'm not *gaining* more at this point). Maybe later when my mental state is better I'll go on a diet. But for now I let the "You are too fat" issue go...
poster:fallsfall
thread:435122
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20041226/msgs/436332.html