Posted by Shortelise on December 8, 2004, at 21:18:12
In reply to OUCH!!! rejection sucks, posted by smokeymadison on December 8, 2004, at 0:25:52
When I was in high school I lost it too. I was hospitalized for 365 days, that's one year - this was in the days when 100% hospitalisation insurance put me in one of the best psych. hospital in the US. Indoor pool, tennis courts, lots of activities - and a private school on the grounds. Deluxe!
Most of my "friends" from the outside deserted me.
How I came to see it is that they just didn't know how to be with me. They were afraid. I cut myself and they knew it. I smoked dope, and did other drugs, and it freaked them out. They were afraid.
And they didn't understand. They still don't.
One or two stuck by me, one or two came back later. And 30 + years later, I'm still good friends with those.
It wasn't about me, it was about them. They didn't have the knowlegde, understanding or courage to try to remain friends with me. It still hurts a little, but I can't blame them too much. I was very very needy, and being my friend meant a lot of giving to me. There have been times since that I have chosen not to be friends with others whose needs were more than I could bear, when I just didn't have the energy.
I am sorry you are feeling hurt and upset by this. It's not "fair". You may be a lot better now, much more stable. But she may not know that, and maybe, just maybe your friend didn't ask you because she's worried about the stress it might put on you? Or maybe it's such an important day for her and because she isn't sure you'd really be up to it, she didn't feel she could take a chance of you letting her down? I think it could be about her and her perceptions, not about who you are. She obviously doesn't know who you are.
As for your friends not telling you - could it have been because they knew it would upset you that they didn't tell you? I would have felt very badly if I were one of them, and would have struggled as to whether or not to tell you, and I consider myself a good and kind friend.
Hugs, Smokey. Again, I am really sorry this is happening.
ShortE
poster:Shortelise
thread:425987
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20041202/msgs/426443.html