Posted by anastasia56 on November 28, 2004, at 10:51:53
In reply to Re: How aweful is this? or...is it? HELP PLS » Poet, posted by Fallen4MyT on November 25, 2004, at 2:18:03
I know exactly how you feel. My mother in law is 89 and I am the ticket to seeing her son most of the time. She is perfectly decent to me but I do know he would not be sitting across the dinner table with her at IHOP as many times as we do if I did not agree to come with. He can't handle her too frequently without a buffer. Is that the role you play for your husband with his family? You take the pressure off him with them? You answer the questions that have driven him crazy since he was a child that they ask?
I finally told my husband I could not go on another shopping expedition with her and him as I wasn't a big 'shopper' person. I didn't want to add that I nearly choked myself after the last one it was so torturous.
My explanation was that it was good for him to spend some one on one time with his mother without me there. That way they could chat more and after all, she wasn't getting any younger and she really loves him and enjoys their time together, etc, etc.
Perhaps you could try that with the holidays. It would be nice if your husband could have some time alone with his family...some quality time. As you said, when you are there he just sits back and doesn't seem to interact.
My mother has declared she will not spend another holiday with my husbands family and would like to spend future holidays alone. I'm still working on figuring out what to do with that little nugget of info as I don't want her and I to not be together for Christmas. Still, it is her choice and I have to respect that...just as your husband should realize he needs to respect your feelings. That plus any guilt you pile on him regarding how much his family loves him, may get him to the table with them and without you. Hope this helps!
poster:anastasia56
thread:419931
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20041122/msgs/421259.html