Posted by Angel Girl on October 27, 2004, at 19:15:45
First, I want to apologize for my lack of coming to these boards, maybe if I came more often I'd feel better in my life.
Right now my life is a mess and I'm about ready to admit myself to the hospital, although I've always said all along how that I would NEVER do that and the mere thought of it scared me to death. Right now though, it's looking very inviting.
My son broke up with his girlfriend after 5 years of living together. He left for another girl even though he claims he would've eventually left his ex-gf at some point anyway. Of course, he didn't tell his ex (I'll call her 'K') that. K thinks that they had the most wonderous relationship and that had it not been for this new girl, then they still would've. My son says he hadn't been happy for many years with K.
Over that 5 yrs, I became very close with K and we have a LOT of similarities. She is reacting to her split with my son exactly the same way as I did when my ex left me for another woman, meaning that she wants my son back. However, unlike me, my son and K have tried to maintain a friendship since they split and my son initiates talking with K SEVERAL times a day, which leads K to feel that my son subconsciously (sp?) has deeper feelings than he knows he has. They spend more time together than my son does with his new girlfriend but I think that is because his new gf is not available very often.
So, where is my problem? Seeing as I've become very good friends w K, she talks to me about her problems with my son, her loving him so much and wanting him to come back, his sending her mixed signals and telling her that the door is still open that it *may* happen but at this point he doesn't see it. K is clinging to this with all she has. Unfortunately K's feelings are dredging up old memories that I obviously have not dealt with in my own life of when my son's father left me MANY years ago. I completely understand how K feels because it is like listening to myself talk when she confides in me. It has now been about 2 months and it is taking it's toll on me in a VERY negative way.
I'm at the point of having an anxiety attack, panic attack or whatever you want to call it for my entire waking hours. As soon as I open my eyes in the morning, my heart is palpitating and I feel like I'm going to throw up. I'm living on Xanax, Gravol for my stomach and Tylenol for my migraines that are a result of all of this. I missed 2 weeks in a row of my BP group therapy, which is not good. I'm completely falling apart, I'm now hyperventilating and feel like I want to shut myself off from the entire world, hence my thinking of admitting myself in the hospital so that I can get some peace and quiet. This is something that was always my worst nightmare and I've never been hospitalized before in a psych ward and quite frankly it scares me to death.
I've talked about this with my group therapy and my pdoc and family and they all feel that I need to tell her what it is doing to me and tell her that she needs to get a therapist and stop talking to me about her problems with dealing with all this.
But, here is my reluctancy in doing so, K has ALWAYS been there for me every time I've had a *crisis* and I feel like I should be there for her and I want to be there for her and if I should tell her that I can't be then I'll feel guilty. That guilt would take over so bad that I'd still be going through all this turmoil so I wouldn't be any better off.
I have suggested to K on more than one occassion that she seek out a therapist to talk to, with the last time being last night and she said she is not ready for that unless my son tells her that the door is now closed and he will never be coming back.
Yesterday after I got home from my group, I started hyperventilating and feeling like I was going to throw up at any minute. After taking my Xanax and Gravol again and they started to work, I called my sister and asked her to phone both K and my Mom to tell them I was not doing well and couldn't talk to anybody that night and that all I wanted was peace and quiet. The peace and quiet were wonderful, I wasn't feeling so panicky anymore but my stomach was still tied up in knots.
When I finally talked to K she interpretted my sister's phone call as that she was losing me too and it sent her into panic mode.
So, with all that said, how am I supposed to handle this situation. I can't live my life every day by taking Xanax and Gravol several times a day. That is no way to live and even with that, I'm still not feeling well. BUT, should I tell K what this is all doing to me, the guilt I would feel would have the same effect on me and send K straight into the same situation.
Am I having a nervous breakdown and what advice could any of you give me?
BTW, I've talked to K several times about seeing a therapist, with the latest being last night, and she is against the idea at this time. She does have a history of depression.
I don't want to cause K further hurt but on the other hand, this is setting me back to me wanting to shut out the entire world and stay in bed all day. I'm tired of the panicky feeling and the constant need of Xanax and Gravol.
I just don't see an easy way out of all of this. :(
I hope at least some of you made it to the end of this lengthy post and can offer me some advice and if it is within yourself, some prayers for both K and I. Thanks for getting this far. I know it is sometimes hard to read lengthy posts by people as it is too much when we are not doing well. I've never been good at 'short and sweet'. BTW, I've never told K what this is doing to me and I don't want her to feel bad about that and have more to deal with. I know how she'll react.
In need of immediate help and so does K!!! K is a very dear friend to me, in fact my ONLY friend and I love her to death as a friend and also like a daughter. I hate to see the hurt she is going through because of my son. FYI, K is approximately 23 years old.
Again, thanks for reading my post and God bless all of you in your lives.
Angel Girl :(
poster:Angel Girl
thread:408094
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20041026/msgs/408094.html