Posted by Fi on October 16, 2004, at 16:44:52
In reply to I feel so lost, posted by cubic_me on October 16, 2004, at 15:58:11
I am so sorry, and I have been there several times myself. Its 10.45pm as I write this (in UK), and I am thinking of you and wishing you well. Whatever you decided, the party will be over in a few hours at most.
If its still Sat eve when you read this:
Its OK not to go to the party. Nothing awful will happen if you dont. Tomorrow morning you can apologise to your housemate and explain you werent feeling well, and ask her how it went. If she's up to talking! Just dont make breakfast noisily in the morning (or do things like fry bacon!) If you were here, you wouldnt want someone to come to the party if this made her feel awful, and would understand.
The pressure is all from yourself. And yes, I know how strong that can be. You've got as far as getting ready, then you really just cant face it. Then you start beating yourself up good and proper, and it starts being a huge issue. Going seems harder and harder, and not going seems a more and more timid action.
It doesnt matter really- its just a party. Dont make it a big deal.
If you really want to give it a shot, how about going for a much shorter time than the 'few hours'. 20 minutes and one drink max? You can change your mind later. Do it soon, tho, before people get too drunk! For that reason and to reduce the torture, give yourself a deadline for deciding, so you dont spend every minute till the last guest leaves torturing yourself.
After that, change out of your party stuff and move on if you dont want to go. And move on. I battered myself mentally about several parties, and felt a failure if I didnt go, or went but really late and tense (tho often felt better once got into it).
But I was never good at accepting at the time what I am mentioning to you- its really no big deal. I cant ever remember anyone complaining about me not going to their party (given there are usually lots of people and what is one more or less..) For them, its also all over after the party is over- its not something they will be ruminating about or blaming you about!
So lots and lots of luck, whatever you decide. Be kind to yourself.
If it helps, I have spent the whole evening watching TV and snacking (plus a doze). I could have gone out and done something, but didnt bother. I am not feeling remotely guilty!
Fi
poster:Fi
thread:403878
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20041016/msgs/403903.html