Posted by Larry Hoover on October 9, 2004, at 22:58:46
In reply to Re: 12 step programs (redirect from pb-Faith), posted by Cass on October 9, 2004, at 18:30:21
> Hi 64bowtie,
>
> Thanks for the clarification on requiring vs. suggesting members find their higher power.I hope you don't mind another voice speaking up.
A higher power could be anything, really. I had real trouble with the concept of god, myself, so I just added an 'o' and made it good instead. I believed in the power of good in my life.> I'm going to see if there are any ACA meetings in my area, but once again, I wonder if it's appropriate for me to attend since my parents were not alcoholics. Are there any members in your group who just come from "dysfunctional" families rather than alcoholic families?
Adult Children of Alcoholics officially approved a name change over a decade ago, to Adult Children Anonymous, but many groups retain the original name. It was decided that the change would not be obligatory on individual groups. The central organization itself reverted to the old name, to dispel confusion.
The name change was approved because it became apparent that children growing up in dysfunctional families shared certain common characteristics despite great differences in the nature of the dysfunction. Some grew up with workaholism, or perfectionism, or alcoholism, of course. Others, with religionism (also, I've seen that as religiholism), foodaholism, or various forms of abuse. The list is really endless, but in each case, the child's needs were not met. The child was expected to behave in certain specific ways. "Love" was always conditional, never unconditional. I used quotes around love because it's hard sometimes to look back in retrospect to see love at all.
The concept of adult child itself suggests that certain developmental stages were not attained. Parts of us remained fearful children, despite reaching physical maturity. You might want to look at this list, to see if any of it strikes a familiar chord:
http://www.adultchildren.org/lit/Problem.s
> I was wondering if you could expand a little on your statement, "Hearing 5,000+ stories, many more than once, has given me a unique glimpse into dysfunction as an archtype behavior." I'm not sure I understand.My perspective on that is that each story varies in the details, but there are remarkable similarities in the outcomes.
> Also, why do you think there's more guidance in ACA than Coda?I personally feel that ACA is more about healing the rift within, rather than in coping with relationships with others. However, I have also found that different groups under the same name (e.g. different ACA groups) have dramatically different styles or approaches to meetings and what they talk about. AA meetings are much the same everywhere I went, but ACA meetings are not. Just a heads-up. If you think you might identify with "The Problem", but you don't click with the first group you find, please try going to others.
> Best,
> Cass P.S. I admire you for running marathons!!Me too. I tend only to run to the john.
Lar
poster:Larry Hoover
thread:400813
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20041001/msgs/401010.html