Posted by saw on October 7, 2004, at 1:44:20
In reply to losing it, posted by alesta on October 6, 2004, at 10:53:06
Oh Amy,I see a classic and old age pattern emerging. I was trapped in exactly the same thing. The emotional and verbal abuse you are receiving is letting you believe that you deserve what you are getting. How many times can one be called worthless before they actually start to believe it?
You are staying in your situation because you think you don't deserve any better. I do not believe that you love this man. And clearly, he does not love you. You are suffering a great deal of humiliation and shame because of him. He is degrading and awful to you. Now while you might already realise that, you need to start believing it too. And somehow, and I say somehow because it's the one of the hardest things to do and one only you can do by yourself, you need to start believing that you ARE worthwhile and that you DO deserve better. When you are able to believe this, you will start to find the strength you need to get him out of your life and move on.
I am with everyone on the advice that you should leave, or kick him out, however, I realise that it is much more complicated than that. I've been there. Just leaving doesn't seem to be an option and yes, not being able to explain it is quite true. I even tried to justify my ex husband's behaviour by blaming myself. I would cover up for him and make excuses all the time. I knew that I should leave him but just did not have the strength to do it because I BELIEVED that I was the "worthless f*$%ng c@*nt b1tch" he so loved to call me. It took a long time, but eventually, and I have NO idea how, I began to believe that I did have more worth than that and that I DID NOT deserve what he was doing to me, even if I provoked it. When this slow process started, I was able to build up the strength it took to divorce him.
I don't know if I have made sense to you or not. And it is not my intention to tell you what to do. Only you can decide what you want to do anyway. I get a strong feeling that you *want* (I use the word very carefully) to stay where you are because you don't think you can have any better.
Well Amy, you can have better, you do deserve better and when you believe that, really believe it, you will be strong enough to reach out for what is better.
Sending you double doses of strength
Sabrina
poster:saw
thread:399573
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20041001/msgs/399867.html