Posted by saw on September 14, 2004, at 5:08:10
I have a thought that is rolling around in my head like an out of control roller coaster. Is there any hope of recovery? I have so much to be grateful for. I have so many things that other people don’t have, and many blessings have come my way. Then the ugly memories surface of the trauma I had to suffer to have these blessings and the very core of me wants to scream IT’S NOT FAIR. Why did I have to suffer so much, I never did anyone else any harm!! Pathetic self-pity.
I have everything going for me right now, yet still struggle to muster a smile. I struggle to feel really joyful in my heart. I just don’t get any enjoyment out of being me!
I can’t work properly anymore; my concentration and focus betray me time and time again. I am so unproductive in a career where I have really applied myself in the past.
I feel worthless, useless, a complete failure. I have failed with my first marriage and it wasn’t my fault, I failed my son (he has developed ADHD because of my illness), and I have let my new husband down so many times. I keep making myself promises that I keep breaking. I can’t trust myself.
Just over a month ago, I would cry and cry when I felt like this. I can’t even cry now. I just feel empty, dead.
If I don’t like me, how must anybody else.:(
Sabrina
poster:saw
thread:390576
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040914/msgs/390576.html