Posted by DaisyM on August 25, 2004, at 13:31:20
In reply to Re: need to rant » JenStar, posted by AuntieMel on August 25, 2004, at 9:37:48
Jen,
I agree with everything above. I think many of us channel our own stress and worry into work...I know I do. The sicker my hubby is, the more I work. It is a coping mechanism. It also provides me with solid footing around something I'm good at. Because I can't fix him. And your husband can't "fix" you.
It might help to say, "I'm lonely. I miss you. I appreciate how much work you have but I want some time together." And use that time to not do household chores.
Marriage isn't about an even score. Someone really wise once told me if you give 100%, everything you get from your partner is gravy. If they give 100%, everything they get from you is gravy. If you both do it, you are at 200% and nothing can beat that. It is hard to practice, hard not to resent that 100% sometimes, but my stress goes down when I stop trying to anticipate what my husband is thinking or feeling or wants from me and I do what I want, or I ask what he wants. And accept his answer. I use to drive him crazy with "are you sure? Because we have this or this or this, too..." I wanted him to be happy.
Ok, this is really long. Spouses are hard, and when you are depressed or anxious, they are really, really hard. But remember, he promised "for better or worse" so remind him...
Sending you support.
poster:DaisyM
thread:381995
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040820/msgs/382180.html