Posted by SandyWeb on July 4, 2004, at 9:02:00
In reply to LynneDa is an angel! (nm), posted by gardenergirl on June 18, 2004, at 0:42:12
Hi everyone,
I know I promised not to post anymore, but this is not a suicidal message. *smile* I would like to thank everyone for standing by me during the past few months when I was going through one difficulty heaped upon another. You really did provide me with strength and wisdom to help me make it through to another day....even though my messages may not have conveyed that. But since I wasn't able to accept concrete help (long story about how I "tick", and I won't put you through that! Lol), we all knew that a final trigger would eventually push me over the edge. And that's exactly what happened.
I guess either PartlyCloudy or LynneDa told you that I had slit my right wrist multiple times in the early morning hours of June 14th. I had phoned the Mobile Crisis Line and they told me there wasn't much they could do because of the hour, and the next thing I remember is that I'm bleeding into the bathtub with the police banging on my apartment door. Apparently I had called 911 and hung up, but I don't remember that. In fact, I don't remember a lot about that night. Long story short, the police called the ambulance, the ER doctor committed me because he thought I would go back home and do it again, and I spent 5 days on the Short-Term Crisis Unit. I had a great team to work with me, and once I agreed to accept some help (which was a HUGE tug-of-war between my team and myself!), it has become easier to continue to accept help.
My team says that they have no doubt that I will slit my wrist again. The p-doc said that my attempts were escalating and becoming more lethal, and the next time I would die. The coping mechanisms that I've been using for the past 39 years just are not working for me anymore, so I need to find new mechanisms. I am willing to work on that. I'll be starting a 6-week Day Treatment Program in mid-August. It is a group experience, dealing with a variety of issues including relaxation, feelings, assertiveness, etc. I'm scared to death of it, but I *will* push myself. I've also been having follow-up sessions of counselling, just so I'm not left flailing on my own. My next appointment is this Thursday.
Again, thank you for believing in me and showing concern for me. I realize that my journey was rather exhausting for most of you. Like I've said before, I never would have been able to put up with someone like me....I would have been drained long before many of you were! You all have such an inner core of strength! I hope you are able to use that strength towards your own well-being. You really are all "angels".
Hugs,
Sandy
poster:SandyWeb
thread:327575
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040626/msgs/362971.html