Posted by spoc on June 30, 2004, at 12:07:59
In reply to Re: i can't take this for another day » Angel Girl, posted by partlycloudy on June 30, 2004, at 8:15:12
> ... I have this annoying tendency to take everything personally, especially blanket statements (of guidelines having to do with civility).
>
> Sigh. Yet another project for my homework.<<<< This seems like the perfect time to admit that I have that problem too, applicable to my own subjective sensitive spots. If you've ever felt that I was trying to say something but weren't sure what, it is that when I read people saying that the board is hostile or unsafe and there is really only one very likely issue going on that they could be referring to; and it's a thread I've posted to; I assume it is being said that I personally am bad for the board. Or amongst them at least, even if my part in it was meant to defend and support something about the board and posters (these weren't matters where I could tell where the majority stood, unlike the most recent one).
Like the phrase I recently coined says, "One man's unsettling/unnecessary conflict is often another man's doing-what-he-feels-is-right;" and we never want to think of ourselves as causing upset or being out of line when our own sense of right/something worth standing up for has been engaged.
Maybe no one ever meant me in particular as contributing to the board feeling unsafe or hostile, but I felt all devastated, hurt and urged to leave at those times, in what I would say is exactly the same way you are describing: taking things personally, especially if it's broad/vague and there's room to assume we are the culprit.
So I guess we have something more in common than in oppostion when it comes to this principle/reaction! But I tend to keep things in (which often hasn't been good for me in my life); or at Babble, try to address them indirectly, out of fear of expressing things right. The old move of keeping it at the level of general intellectual discussion rather than saying "I feel hurt," because sometimes that just does seem like it would sound *more* accusatory and confrontational.
Sorry if that has ever just created more confusion and made things worse. All I ever meant to say was A] I hope you (and other such threads) didn't mean me? and later, B] blanket references to the board feeling unsafe might hurt as much as whatever is being complained of, as people involved in the most likely issue may think it is them being referred to. Or should I say "I" -- I felt that way. (Now, in the lastest board uproar, there wasn't room for misinterpretation as to what was being identified as the cause. Even I couldn't read myself into being seen as the problem there!:)
Hope nothing about this came out wrong, I mean for it to admit my own over-sensitivity area; add possibly important clarity to my actions; and make something better! :- )
poster:spoc
thread:360897
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040626/msgs/362008.html