Posted by Racer on June 29, 2004, at 17:53:19
In reply to Re: No luck in my search » Racer, posted by Emme on June 29, 2004, at 16:27:05
You know what, Emme? I do get some satisfaction from my memories, and I do go through the "but I've lost too much of my life!" periods (usually daily), but even now there are things I can find *pleasing* during many of my days. Now, I suspect that that's because I'm in a kind of "holding pattern" right now -- still not medicated, so I can say things to myself like, "Well, sure, but you're not even medicated right now -- just wait until you finally get properly medicated!"
I absolutely agree with you about suicidal thoughts, by the way. Even when I'm otherwise fine, I still sometimes find myself saying to myself, "Sure, go ahead and try it -- if it doesn't work out, you can always just ..." In a way, it's a little liberating, and I do try new things that I probably wouldn't if I didn't have my "back door exit" to make the consequences less frightening, you know? But you have to hang on right now, Emme -- Shar has a rule that any alternative is utterly and entirely unacceptable before hte age of 50. She's been on this site for a long time, so she gets to make that sort of rule and we all have to follow it. Besides, if I can hang in, I want you with me.
Take care, dear, and I do hope tomorrow's visit with Dr Optimism goes well.
poster:Racer
thread:361204
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040626/msgs/361730.html