Posted by deirdrehbrt on June 18, 2004, at 20:00:43
It starts by finding a drowning tourist off the back of a ship, and throwing them a life preserver. As soon as it's within reach, you pull it back. Whoever does this to the drowning the most times before they go under for the last time wins.
The great part about this sport, is that you don't need a drowning tourist, or even a ship. It can be a police officer, and you don't allow him to have a loaded gun on monday, wednesday, and friday. Better yet, he's not allowed to know if it's loaded or not.
I don't think I posted this, but the other day, I got a call from a friend. I couldn't talk right then, so we arranged to call the next day.
A while later, I checked my messages. I heard "You F**** ng B**ch, You Hung UP on me! Then she's crying and sobbing, and cussing more."
I love this woman. I listened to the message again, trying to believe that this didn't happen. It was the same thing. I erased the message. I had so badly hurt someone that I love.
I had such a hard time sleeping. I was terrified and hurt. I wanted to cut. I wanted to take pills.
The next day, terrified, I called her. I asked what I had done? I thought I had waited long enough before I hung up. She told me that she hadn't left such a message, that she loves me, and she knows I'm fragile and that she wouldn't leave such a message. She doesn't even talk like that.
For a few moments, I felt better. Then I realized that if she hadn't left that message, then maybe someone else did. Forgetting that I erased the message, I listen to the messages again. It was still there, except that it wasn't the message I had heard the previous day. This time, it was a crank call, someone having sex kind of call.
So, I'm feeling bad again, and scared, terrified again. This time, though, it's because I realized that I had completely lost touch with reality. I was trying to get in touch with my case manager. Finally she called, and we had set up an appointment and came by. She talked about having me see a psychiatrist instead of the psychiatric nurse practicioner. This seemed good to me. A life-preserver was thrown. More appointments were set up with my case manager for Friday, and the following Monday.
I saw my therapist, and she seemed a bit concerned but I was going to see a psychiatrist. I had an appointment with my daughters therapist. I told her what had happened, and she asked my daughter if I seemed to do inappropriate things in different situations. She said that maybe my daughter could help me with reality testing sometimes.
The next day, I was still feeling scared, and the appointment with the psychiatrist hadn't been officially set up yet, so I called the agency I work with, and asked them if they could set it up fairly soon.
I got a call back, and it was setup for today, the 17th. Another life preserver. Last night, I set two alarms because I haven't been sleeping well, and I didn't want to miss my appointment.
So, this morning, my alarms go off. Just as I'm ready to get out of bed, my phone rings. It's my case manager reminding me that there had to be a meeting first between the psychiatrist nurse practicioner, the case manager, the case manager's supervisor, and the new psychiatrist. I must have forgotten about that, didn't remember it. Anyway, the meeting hadn't taken place yet, and I couldn't see the psychiatrist. Oh, yeah, and I couldn't see her this afternoon because she had to work in her office today. Ok.... life preservers yanked.
I feel like crap. I have a headache. Sometimes I feel like I'm too tired to try to keep my head above the water anymore. I want to cry. I want to sleep. I Feel sick, and don't want to eat. I want to scream. I am really tired of being sick. I feel like I whine so much, and everyone is getting tired of it. I miss having good insurance that didn't leave me to the devices of half-wit local agencies that don't have enough money to do their job right.
God, I'm tired.
poster:deirdrehbrt
thread:357960
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040611/msgs/357960.html