Posted by ceesea on May 27, 2004, at 20:55:54
Hi
I am desperate.
I have been depressed as long as I remember (about 20 yrs) and I have been in treatment for about 3 years. I've been on most of the drugs except MAOIs which i won't go on. I've had ECT, both regular ECT and maintenance ECT. I've been having counselling with a psychologist for 2yrs where we did some CBT, some psychodynamic therapy, sandplay, anything really, and now with my psychiatrist who also does psychodynamic therapy. I still wake up every morning wishing I hadn't. I struggle through the days, I hate myself, I have an eating disorder that comes and goes, I am terrified of people, so I rarely go out cept for therapy, shopping and work, I rarely answer the phone, I don't socialise because i find it too demanding to pretend to be happy for so long.
I live with my partner of 4 yrs who works full time to try to support us. We have 2 cats. He is depressed and just started meds because of me (and partly because of his family).
I'm desperate. I have no hope for the future, I can't seem to find anything that helps me treat this condition. I can theorise about what is wrong with me but that doesn't seem to help. I'm so very sad all the time and tired of waking up every morning wanting to be *not alive*. Suicide is becomming a real option, because I cannot see any other way out of this.
Any ideas? Please help me. I don't want to die, I want to be "normal", able to wake up feeling ok, able to do things and enjoy things.
CC
poster:ceesea
thread:351261
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040525/msgs/351261.html