Posted by Ilene on May 20, 2004, at 19:19:50
In reply to Dear diary May 19, posted by Ilene on May 19, 2004, at 22:56:55
Today we (the Royal We) got up when the alarm went off. Did not roll over and go back to sleep. Consequently I am tired now.
Decided to take Klonopin. The psychopharm said something about getting the anxiety to go away by taking anti-anxiety drugs for long enough to "dampen" the response. I wonder if that's true. I feel calmer, anyway. Took it twice today.
Even managed to iron some clothes before getting a thyroid test, and another urine test because things haven't been feeling right down there.
Got all the estimates done for *all* the charitable contributions for the taxes. It's easier to guesstimate now.
Trying to get my husband to relax. His anxiety is worse than mine, I think, and he doesn't have any techniques to deal with it. He's worried about having a place to live--he can't the uncertainty. I'm more or less reconciled to it. Right now I need to make plans, and he's not much use. He can't make decisions.
He won't take care of himself. He won't work out, he won't find a pdoc, he won't do anything but work and worry, because "he doesn't have time". He's always worrying about his effin' job. He's afraid he's going to get fired, when the reverse is more likely to be true.
I don't feel like I can do much for him, because I know that my own thoughts and emotions often run on two different rail lines. At the same time, his depression and anxiety infect me like nothing else.
My daughter is in a snit because I won't get in touch with one of her old teachers for her. I told her she has to try doing it herself first. She claims it won't work. (I don't know if it would work if I did it either--the schools here are astonishingly unresponsive to parental requests.) But it's important for her to see if she can do it herself first, even if she is shy. Now she's just in a global snit and doesn't even want to wish her grandmother happy birthday.
Oh yeah--that's another thing--today is grandma's birthday. Do you think I got any warning from my husband? Argh.
I got ahold of a psychiatrist at Stanford University by e-mail. He says he treats people w/ bipolar disorder. I don't know if I have bipolar disorder or not. I certainly don't respond to ADs. At least I have a phone number for the mood disorders clinic at Stanford.
Need to do: straighten things out with the moving company. Do the paperwork to change the life insurance my father had on my husband over to me (I started this right before I went into the hospital in March, and dropped the ball). Get everything else changed over to my name--should be only a couple of things left. Procrastination at it's finest.
What else--call my dad's GF. Do laundry. Really, not insurmountable. Will do tomorrow.