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Re: I just don't know

Posted by Scott in Vermont on April 30, 2004, at 13:28:36

In reply to Re: I just don't know, posted by TexasChic on April 30, 2004, at 10:20:46

tamdon-

texaschic hit it dead on. You have a physical condition as do we all here) and I know well the stigma associated with it. When mine hit me, I was in the almost exact opposite situation you are in now. I "had it all", so to speak. Wife, kids, house, 2 cars, awesome job, great friends, bright future... and yet I still wanted to die. And took steps to make that happen. My children (thinking of them, actually) made me stop. That was in 2001. Since then I have played "musical meds" way too many times (here, try this... no, try this then... oops, try this instead) and faced the same darkness 2 more times. My friends and family were absolutely floored. Why would Scott, happily married professional, want to die? I found out who my "real" friends were during that initial incident. All of a sudden I was a pariah, a loser, and my family was about as supportive as mud.

But know that it CAN get better. YOU can get better.

There are many people on this board who are proof that where there is life, there is hope. Even if you don't feel it or see it, even if you don't believe it or even want to believe it, where there is life, there is hope. You posting here shows that somewhere inside you, you know you're more than you are now. Nurture that spark, and eventually it will become a small flame. That flame feels warm. I've felt it on my way "back" before.

I wish I could wave a magic wand and make your hurt go away. Because while my situation was different, we both share pain. And one thing we shared specifically is the hurtful ignorance of those in our lives who are supposed to be supportive and caring. Sometimes I wish I had a limp or something, a "physical" sign of this condition, because then people might understand it better. But no... we look normal, sometimes we act "normal", and people just don't get it unless they research it, listen to us, or have been through it themselves.

Don't give up on yourself, even if it looks like everyone else has. You don't know what tomorrow brings. Being around to see it is the best way to find out. :)


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poster:Scott in Vermont thread:341656
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040430/msgs/341842.html