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Re: Invisibility TexasChic

Posted by spoc on April 28, 2004, at 15:03:01

In reply to Re: Invisibility, posted by TexasChic on April 28, 2004, at 12:42:28

> Um, I don't really want to get into this whole thing,

<<<<< I won't and don't consider you to be, honestly, even if I respond to the general and good points. This role is difficult when a discussion has certain aspects to it; in the study of logic and/or debating I think there is even a name for it; when a position sounds so blanketly correct that it's uncomfortable and may feel foolish to even try to oppose, similar to deciding to go up against political correctness. But, underlying the thing are valid points from another school, that may be in the minority but are still valid.

Then, pursuing those points and how to do so goes back to the heart of whether it's ok to say someone's perceptions are incorrect or possibly show only unreasonable desires/expectations. So regarding this topic and thread in general, it may be better to say Your point may be valid, but it would be the exception, not the rule. Rather than saying it is wrong or nonexistent. I do say that in a general sense, not to you.

> I came to this site knowing it was an internet forum and that there would be already established relationships here. I felt that rather than it being the responsibility of the people already here, it was up to me to try to get to know people. And that has worked out fine for me. >

<<<<< This topic was raised and anticipated to be welcome for reasons such as how it relates to the very purpose of the Newbie board kind of thing, and the same reasons that that was discussed. Some people are naturals and would have no need for clarifications, tips, training wheels with which to get it. We thought this feedback and angle would be helpful, possibly welcome, that's all, I really really really mean that. Because a lot of people care a lot about all that stuff and say they want to know. Sorry to all if the intentions didn't come across right.

Along those lines, it was meant to be just a "Hey, would be great if people could keep this in mind, just thought they may not have thought of it and find it interesting or worthwhile" kind of thing. It could be easy to spot when someone is indeed trying to participate, but probably also easy not to see, so just one thing to point out, merely point out, in case anyone would want to know, just in case. But yes, discretionary of course.

> I don't feel anyone should feel *obligated* to respond to me at anytime. >

<<<<< I do agree. Just pointing something out, for those who'd want to know, because they are out there, and would *like* to keep it in mind. Not necessarily because they were wrong before, but because this is just the way they like to do things.

> There are posts I don't respond to ...but I don't feel bad about that because I know others who are more knowledgable will respond.

<<<<< Not necessarily true, but so be it, yes. Also, it's kinda different in a request for concrete information, because often not much was put out there, and clearly not everyone or even anyone *will* know the answer. I referred more to attempts to connect and also share relief over what is being talked about in a thread. To use a random scenario for illustration, like if people are sharing healthy laughter over how their depression or issues affect their habits. Maybe they are seeing the "light side" of something like how it can lead them sometimes not to bathe or brush their teeth. And even though it's embarrassing and maybe you don't 'know them,' you jump in and say "Hi you guys! I do that too, here's another funny way to look at it..." and at some point maybe also say "Hey so-and-so (>>), I particularly related to how you just expressed it, and here's why...." And all around you, the >>'s to each other but not you continue. I agree, it's no one's responsibility, but in cases like that, I honestly believe many people would want to have had this heads-up given, rather than take a "You're on your own" position. And that it's plenty likely they weren't aware of it, but there's no way they ever will be, if someone doesn't risk putting it out there.

> If I started a thread that got no responses, I would think that maybe I need to reword it or just try again in order to make people want to respond.>

<<<<< Just FYI, my own focus here wasn't so much about actual starting of threads. I admitted my own tendencies regarding this, which are to spend too much time online/onboard and then panic and either not scroll down the whole current boards at all, or do so at 60 MPH, unconsciously seeing only clusters of activity. I even missed a thread Karen Kay started with my name on it last night, during these debates!

> I think its really nice when people welcome a newcomer, but I don't think anyone should feel bad because for whatever reason they missed welcoming someone. I just don't feel we could have the *genuine* support I see around here if people felt these things were *required* of them somehow. >

<<<<< Solid reasoning, I again do agree. I/we were just using possibly injudicious words to convey a "fun fact" about things that may occur, for and only for those who'd like, and even enjoy, keeping them in mind. It's great and ideal when things come to and evolve naturally for people like they did you; thank God more people don't have trouble with it! But just giving a perspective from when it doesn't. It was conceded going back to the beginning of this that everything is discretionary and everyone is on their own, wouldn't dream of seeking mandates. Just saying, to those interested in hearing about and weighing various possible challenges, there it is.

Thanks for posting, I've enjoyed 'talking' with you in the past, and wouldn't expect you to respond -- I did so myself here only for the usefulness of using the general points as platforms. I respect that you don't want to be involved, don't think you are, and I envy that at this point actually! ;- )




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