Posted by Angielala on March 30, 2004, at 15:30:17
In reply to Re: Maybe you can live my life better » rainyday, posted by greywolf on March 30, 2004, at 10:09:55
I call myself the sad clown because people who aren't very close to me have no idea what I'm like in real life- instead I put on a happy face. I have had so many bad experiences with telling people my story at work, and then have them turn it around on me. I got fired from my last job for being "sick". Then comes the question- who the heck is it safe to tell. If people weren't jackbutts (hehe) then they'd be smart and do a little research when they find a co-worker or friend has BP, and then they'd realized that the way it's depicted on TV or in the news is not the full story of what BP is and how people who have it are. It would be like if someone had asthma and was always in a bad mood- then someone meets another person with asthma and assumes they are always in a bad mood. Don't give too much intellecutal credit to too many people... they need to be baby-ed.
I have explained to my closest friends why I am the way I am, and I reinterate when I need to, and they have finally done research. Now when I hide, they find me (which sucks because I wanted to be alone) but by finding me, I end up snapping out of it a little.
Man, people stink
> Rainyday:
>
> It's disheartening isn't it? If you let people see how you really live, they couldn't help but get the idea that there really is a problem. But their response is a real concern. In my experience, not too many people are truly comfortable knowing about the real extent of someone's bipolar problems, and those who want to know even if they aren't comfortable tend to be the family and friends you'll cause the most worry and unhappiness to if you tell them. Ergo, the masking.
>
> Of course, you can become so good at hiding what's going on that right when you need support the most, you can't go to your friends because they'd never take it seriously. I doubt my friends could even comprehend part of the hell I feel I'm in because they would be so shocked to find out I'm not the happy guy they think I am (I think some suspect that there's something wrong, but in a good way--like "he's one of those creative types, so he's a little zany"). If they only knew how much effort it takes to maintain a facade consistent with the hypomanic states they most often associate with me.
>
> Hang in there.
poster:Angielala
thread:330148
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040324/msgs/330398.html