Posted by fallsfall on March 28, 2004, at 8:23:29
I work at the local library. It is a very small library. One of my jobs (well, one of the tasks that I took upon myself to do) is inventory. We've had some University students come to volunteer for us recently. Initially they said they would send 30 at a time (for 3 hours on a Saturday afternoon). So I figured I could use them to do the inventory.
I figured out the process (I print lists of the books that should be on the shelf, someone goes to the shelf, makes sure the books are in the right order and checks them off on the list. There are special things to do in special circumstances. There was also a bit of work done to make the library ready (any new books that were being "processed" - going in the computer, getting due date slips, covers, etc. needed to be finished and shelved. handle books on display, etc).
Yesterday was the day. I wasn't sure how many students were coming (but it wasn't going to be 30 for sure, I heard 5...) I called some of the regular library volunteers and even a couple of the patrons asking if they could help. I had 7 students, 3 volunteers, my boss and myself.
I had taken a fairly hard section to see how long it would take. I did 9 minutes a page. Since that section was hard, I figured that on average I could assume that we could do 6 pages in an hour.
I had the library divided up into sections (Kids fiction, Kids nonfiction, adult fiction, adult nonfiction). Kids fiction was the biggest, but we should have been pretty much able to do it. So we started.
A couple of people had to leave a little early. They seemed to be pretty much understanding the work and it went reasonably smoothly. We fed them cookies and juice 2/3 of the way through. But when the end time came, noone was done with their section. They did about 10 pages in 3 hours.
Now I have about 10 packets that aren't finished. A total of 60 pages. We are closed today and tomorrow (we are never open Sunday and Monday). I need to get these sections done before we open at 10 on Tuesday.
I called my boss (who was one of the people who left early...) and told him I could call a bunch of people and probably cobble together a crew to finish over Sunday and Monday. He favored using only people who were really familiar with the library (me, him, he said I could call the other two paid employees and ask them to help, a couple of the members of the Friend's of the Library). He said that he will come in on Monday at 12. I have therapy at 11 on Monday. I said I would come in at 2, but that is really optimistic. I usually can't think after therapy.
Being "wrong" is a big problem for me. I blew this project big time. I am incredibly exhausted. My first inclination is to go there now and work 10 hours today. Then my boss and I could finish tomorrow. But this is how I've always fixed things. By doing more than I can do and by doing it myself so that it will be done right and I don't make other people suffer for my failures.
Boss wants to deal with it on Monday. I woke up this morning crying feeling like I should go there now and work until it is done. He doesn't want me to rally my friends, so that makes me feel like I have to do it myself.
There are a limited number of hours that I can work. According to the laws, I CANNOT volunteer any time. I work 10 hours a week. Last week I put in 3 1/2 extra hours for the inventory - I can push them into next week, so I can work 6 1/2 hours this week (I can do a couple extra, but the library doesn't have a big budget for overtime, and if I work too many hours I'll mess up my SSDI, plus I've already worked too many hours and this is why I'm in such a panic. I need a break, but I have to get this done.)
I want to call my therapist, we have been working on "right" and "wrong" and how I can't handle being "wrong". But it is Sunday morning at 9:00.
He has a beeper. He would call me back right away. I don't want to bother him, but this is exactly what we have been talking about.
What should I do?????
poster:fallsfall
thread:329381
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040324/msgs/329381.html