Posted by Racer on March 1, 2004, at 12:47:03
In reply to kids of the famous? (and its impact), posted by inthegloaming on March 1, 2004, at 8:41:55
LOL! Yes, it's hard. My mother is internationally known and revered, and it's damned hard being in her shadow. I don't know how young you are, but I'm not all that young anymore, and I can offer you some insights I've come to about it.
First of all, when I say I was in my mother's shadow, here's an example of how deeply I mean that. When I was young, at the events we went to that required name tags, I'd write "Racer's Mom's Daughter" rather than my own name. These days, while I'll still add that in parentheses, I do write my own name in bigger letters on the tag first and above the note identifying me. In my younger days, though, I didn't even feel as if I had a real identity of my own. That's a very hard situation to be in.
At most of the events I attended with my mother, I had two "jobs" to do: protect my mother's reputation, and entertain/distract the crashing bores who had to be invited because of their historical standing. So, I wasn't just standing on the sidelines, but it wasn't an easy path to follow. Today, as a middle aged adult, I still have the same two jobs when I accompany my mother to events, but it "feels" different now. I think it's because I've created a separate identity for myself, and it feels more as if I'm doing something for my mother's comfort, rather than because I'm somehow required to do it. (And, since it's so much rarer an occurrence, it's just plain nice to see people who were such a part of my childhood and early adulthood.)
Third, my case is complicated because, to outsiders, it looks so much as if I'm "competing" with my mother. I know that our relationship is much more complex than that, and I know how much of that really is my mother competing with me, but it's still a charge leveled at me with a high degree of frequency. That hurts, especially because -- see job number one -- I don't want to tell anyone else what's really going on with that apparent competition.
The other complicating feature of my relationship with having a famous mother is that I really and truly and deeply enjoy her. I love going with her to these events, I wish they happened more often, and I always look forward to them a great deal. Especially to seeing my mother in her element. I love hearing how much people who are so well regarded in their own right respect, admire, and feel affection for my mother.
Of course, my mother is a big fish in a small pond, so it's not as if people on the street talk about her much. I've seen that sort of thing at work, though, being around the group of people involved. The funniest was someone talking about a dead rock star to his widow, without realizing it. She was very, very gracious, and did not reveal her status, but it was pretty surreal listening to it.
Funny you should bring it up right now, though. The former Librarian Of Congress died over the weekend, Daniel Boorstin, and he was one of my mother's admirers and acquaintances. I was mourning his death in my own way, and thinking about all of this myself this morning. Thank you for providing an opportunity to express some of it.
poster:Racer
thread:318945
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040219/msgs/319049.html